I finally put out my resume

Yeah, and it only took me five months to do it. Geez, I feel like a shmuck. I just needed the proper motivation, and the confidence to put myself back out there, and that wasn't going to happen until it happened. Well, now it's happened and I'm having to fight not to freak out. Like, really freak out. I've gotten my fist handful of job offers. Right now they're not looking too hot. One was for 2.2-2.3 million won a month. That's better than my last job. My lowest possible pay would be 2.2 million won a month. I worked for 2.1 last year. I'm more experience and more educated this year. I'd prefer 2.4 though. I mean, I'm really going to do it. No lying around in my parents' house forever. I'm getting another job and I'm getting a life again. And, since there seems to be about as much possibility of finding a husband here as there is abroad (next to none, thank you), I might as well go abroad, where at least I have a life, and a purpose, and something to distract me from that yawning whole where I'm-a-wife should be.
So far only Korea has offered a job. I am considering shoving aside my work loyalty and finding a job, and then finding a better job. Though if I did find a better job I'm sure I'd be sufficiently guilty about it that it would hardly feel like a better job for months. Different people pay their penance in different currencies. Mine is quite obviously the currency of guilt. I think it's absolutely possible that, were I to hate a man and wish him dead, and then he died and I was accused of his death that I would plead guilty of the murder even if it wasn't my own hand which had done it. Or, I'd be sorely tempted to, except that then a true murderer would go free and that would be on my conscience too. It's difficult to say what I would do...
The advantage to such a thing is that it makes me a very loyal employee, and relatively easy to manipulate if you know how I feel. This is why I try not to say that I feel guilty about things, people like to use that kind of stuff against you. I've also found that they get upset when they try to use it and fail. I do have points I will not bend on, no matter that I feel so guilty that I can imagine Hell licking at my heels. People don't usually get that either.
All of this is brought about by my reminiscing about my last job. I certainly hope the new one is less stressful. I hope I am better able to cope with the stress. Something besides migraines would be nice. Indigestion, for example.
Well, I think that's all for now. I have to go figure out how to look brilliant in print.