So, I just watched the first episode of V, courtesy of Hulu. It was definitely exciting, I'll give it that. And, the cast seems solid. What bothers me is that the first episode has…everything. Absolutely everything. What other shows take seasons (or at least a season) this show has revealed on its first episode. The show itself is reminiscent of Earth Final Conflict, Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, and any number of other hidden agenda conspiracy movies. The first episode plants the show firmly in conservative territory. The badguys give universal health care and have a single world government, and they're very pretty. They also seem to have a touch of that capitalistic drive in them. So, it's big brother meets big corporation meets socialism. Scary. Then our good guys are a woman who searches for terrorists (fbi?), a priest, a conspiracy guy, and a not-so-bad alien. See, conservative. Did I mention that the not-so-bad alien thinks that family is very important? This show doesn't lack violence either, and the adults are portrayed as the intelligent ones.
Being a conservative myself, I'd be all for this if I didn't think that the story is planning to do a big ol' switch on us. To reveal this much this early in the story either nothing is as it seems or this show isn't going to last very long. The Creative Writing major in me doesn't trust this story. I feel like a poker player who just got a look at the other guy's cards. Why not wait to reveal the good aliens? Why show us in the first episode that the human form the aliens don isn't their natural one? Why basically prove their out for blood in the first episode? Why introduce the love interest for the boy in the first episode? All these things could have easily waited until later episodes without detracting much from the action. Even something as simple as not having the actual aliens break in on the secret meeting, but only their technology, would leave room for question (and curiosity that would bring the viewers back next week).
So, I'm going to predict what's going to happen, and we can see how right I am. Well, the son of the cop/FBI agent/devorce is going to continue to support the Vs, despite evidence that tells him to stay away. He's going to create a bond with the alien girl and either be her dupe or try to save her when he realizes her people are evil SOBs. The Priest is going to find out that some of his superiors are aliens and he'll question his faith. If he doesn't leave his faith, there's a good chance he'll leave the cloth. If nothing, he'll become a really bad priest because he's poised for romantic tension with the FBI lady. Said lady is going to be torn between the loyalty her son has for the aliens, a desire to save him, a desire to destroy the aliens, and a desire for the priest. The alien who is not a bad guy will help people get inside information. He will be the one who reveals some information about the aliens, though considering what they've already shown us of the mother ship I don't see his necessity as a disseminator of info. He'll try to leave his fiancé and she will either a. follow him b. follow him and die c. be heart-broken. The alien leader dude is either and the leader lady (Anna) are like Da'an and Zo'or in Earth Final Conflict. They're both bad guys, though one may be less evil than the other. Chunky friend of the boy will be used to get him to do stupid things, and may eventually rat him out, or die. Alien girl is either as evil as her leader or as heart-led as her human boyfriend. She can go either way, though I suspect she may be used as proof that even evil aliens can turn good with the right motivation. Conspiracy guy will also be a disseminator of information, as well as a device to bring the characters together. He will probably die eventually since we don't really know anything about him at all except that he sucks at being secret. Hmmm, themes? Terrorism (obviously), religion, genetic manipulation, control, the nature of evil…and possibly slavery. I'd bet money that the fixes they do at their health centers are more than just fixes.
That being said, I'll watch the previews and read the reviews for the next couple of weeks, and if it turns out that the writers have a better imagination than me than I'll go back to watching.
Heaven. Hell. How many people actually believe they exist? Even of those who say they do I’m finding there are many who really don’t. Or rather, they don’t think on it at all. Their visions of heaven and hell have been as much shaped by multi-media as anyone else’s.
Then, of course, there are the reformer’s ideas. Heaven becomes this boring celestial city where we sit around singing out-of-tune hymns and hell is all fire and brimstone.
I read both Mere Christianity and The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis and his ideas on heaven and hell spurred me to realize what my ideas where. Then, a few months later, I went through this panic about whether or not I really was saved. If you check further back in the blog you can read all the wonderings and fearmongerings I was doing then. And, it’s good to work out your faith from time to time. But *why* was I so upset? *Why* is being a Christian so necessary? I came to one conclusion and that conclusion has changed the way I see the world. It’s so important because I am desperate to get to Heaven, and desperate to avoid Hell.
Well, what is Heaven, what is Hell, that they should matter? I could give you a bunch of verses that may or may not make sense, refer you to articles I’ve read, and I may do that, but I’d rather just tell you about what I believe.
You may have heard the old song “when I get to heaven, gonna talk with Jesus, when I get to heaven, gonna see his face…” And we dismiss the words.
Imagine this: you die. You die and the world goes dark around you and you blink and there you are, standing before the throne of God. Light brighter than the sun on the hottest day, brighter than the sun without ozone, brighter than any star, blasts you, staggers you back, but you don’t die. You’re already dead, remember. As you squint through the light you see a man before you. He is both so big that his throne cannot contain him and just the right size to meet with you. What shines from his face is Glory, Power, Love, Justice, Mercy, and Wrath. Again you’re staggered, and this time you drop to a knee as you realize who you’re before. And, as soon as that realization hits you memory does as well. You’re no God, you’ve failed, you don’t deserve to be here. Mourning and panic and fear and awe sieze you. You drop to your face in the heavenly dirt, tears stream from your eyes. “My God, forgive me,” you beg, even as you acknowledge that you don’t deserve it.
Then a hand is on your shoulder, and you choke on even more tears, because of the warmth and generous love that spreads through you, the forgiveness. “Arise my beloved,” says a voice that is both quite and permeating in a way that no bullet could be, “you have served me well.” You look up and the One on the throne, though He is still somehow upon it, is also before you, helping you your feet, brushing off the dirt. And there is such compassion, such pride, such love in his eyes that again you are overwhelmed. At once you are entirely known and every ache and every hole in who are is healed and sealed up. The joy and intimacy you sought through sex is fulfilled, the confidence you sought through jobs is granted, the humility you sought through service is attained. You stand there, struck dumb for ages by the amazing thing that has been done for you. You who knows you don’t deserve it. You’re more real and more whole than you ever were when alive. It feels like you just woke up from a lingering dream. God himself is pleased by you and wraps you in a welcoming hug. You’re shocked that God would touch you, because all your life, though you prayed and sang and read and did your very best to believe without proof and serve without return, God was still something you didn’t quite comprehend. But now you see Him clearly, see yourself clearly. You are loved, you will never be turned away, you are known, and in that you are made the best possible you. You’re forgiven, you’re fixed. Nothing could surpass what you’re experiencing. Each new moment in the presence of your God reveals new insights. For the first time in your life you’re free, content, happy, fully informed of the state of yourself.
And then it gets better, because your eyes turn to take in this realer than real heavenly place and you see a country all around you. A city without walls. Pastures and woods stretch into the distance. Trees in fruit and trees in bloom. Soft grass and inviting riverbanks. Glorious roads leading into a distance. People, old friends who you’d mourned, enemies and now you’re excited to see them free as well, and a goodness in them you could never recognize in your Earthly life. There are people there who you never knew, and some you recognize though you’ve never met. All complex and complete. Angels and men walking and talking together. More company than you’ll ever need but how wondrous to share such a thing with them. Not only are there plants and people, but animals too, and water, and food. Such food as you’ve never had. Food untainted by toxins, or death. Sweet and rich. Food that fills you. And you find that you’re not hungry nor thirsty nor tired. Every pang of sadness is healed, every remorse set aside for the joy of where you are and in whose light you stand. This is a place that has a place for you. You belong here. You were made for here. This is where the forgiven stand. This is the home of the renewed, and it is forever.
Now, in contrast, imagine Hell.
You die, you feel your soul slip from this world like a hand passing through the surface of water. For a moment nothing and then you are aware. Of nothing. At first all you feel is pain, pain that cannot be stopped our placed, it bounces from limb to limb like a child playing hopscotch. Your skin feels like it’s burning, your bones like their breaking. You try to scream, but no noise comes. Try to thrash but feel no movement. You hear nothing. Finally you open your eyes and you see nothing. It takes a while, because you’re in denial, you think you’ll wake up, you think the real world will come back to you, before you realize where you are. You didn’t really believe in this place. It’s so hard to conceptualize. You’re in Hell. Your limbs ache like one giant amputee. You feel them while they seem to no exist. You feel like a vapor. That sense of incompletness, of being not quite whole, that lingered in life, is now consuming, maddening. You never even got a chance to see what you’re missing, but somehow you know, because now that you’re in so much agony you can easily imagine what the opposite it.
But this place has no escape hatch. It is nowhere and it goes on without end. You don’t know if anyone else is here. For all you know you’re the only one. You hope you aren’t, but you can’t be sure. No senses to tell you otherwise, not even the smell of your own burning flesh to assure you this is real, and you can’t kick the feeling that you are less real than you were before, less valid by exponents. You can’t kick at all. And you can’t take comfort from knowing your enemies are here too. You agonize over the possibility that the people you hated most aren’t here. You wish for a fair fight, try to scream that God should come down here and face you, but you know you had your chance. Now, suddenly, and with sudden clarity, you can see all the times you had chances and turned them away, all the possibilities that would have lead to a different end but you ignored. You see with stunning clarity just how unworthy you were of the good things you received, and how much you took for granted. You see with true clarity the reality of the universe, and how small you are, how messed up, how dirty, how alone. This is your fault. You’re guilty here. The weight of your pride and degradation are yours to bear. Here it is both a sensory deprivation tank and a torture chamber. None mocks you but your own failings. None but your own heart accuses you. The world has lifted away and you have fallen into the void. And with a growing sense of horror and mourning, so overwhelming in its intensity you’d cry if you could, you understand. This is Hell, and it’s forever.
When I think of Heaven and Hell these are the concepts that trail through my mind. No clouds in heaven, no boring hymns (though I’m sure there will be singing. I imagine it’ll be a bit like Sojourn, a good mix of everything), no babies with wings and harps. Neither do I think it’ll be a throng of enraptured looking people standing around a giant impersonal throne whispering words like “God” and “Savior” and “Master” (though I imagine that there will be a good bit of that as well). I think there will be singing, and eating, swimming, laughing, eye rolling, joking, painting, stone working, writing, relaxing, running and jumping, talking, hugging, reminiscing, thinking, quiet being, and shouting. I think there will be learning, and some forgetting, I think there will be making, and building, and planning, and doing. Heaven will not be static. Nor will it be impure. There won’t be sex (sex, like sleeping, are not bad at all, but will be fulfilled in different ways once we reach that Heavenly realm), or sleeping. There won’t be resentment or fights or pride or “issues” or ego or disappointment or rage. There won’t be malicious talk or depression. There won’t be failure or lying, or injury. There won’t be broken trust or broken hearts.
Hell, on the other hand, won’t be a big party with all your biggest partier friends. It won’t be the place where all the rebels go to have a good time without anyone telling them what to do. It won’t be a gathering of all the strong ones while the weak ones go to a nice quite white place. It won’t be sexy (I imagine more it’ll be castrating and filled with a sense of incontinence). It won’t be comfy. You see, all pleasure comes from God, and Hell is supposed to be, at its most basic, the absence of God. So, you couldn’t even have your favorite sins if God wasn’t in the world making pleasantness possible. Since God makes things, and holds all things together I think it’s reasonable to assume that Hell will be without true place or true form. That means there won’t even be devils or demons wandering around to yell at you and poke you with nasty pitch forks. Hell is going to be one nasty place. A to fear and a place to avoid at all costs. And, please understand me that when I say this I mean only truth and no malice: lots of very good people are going to find themselves in Hell. Being good won’t save you. And not believing in it won’t stop you from going.
Why wouldn’t you want to think on this? Why wouldn’t you want to hope for the one and dread the other? Our faith is not just for this life. Jesus didn’t die just to offer us a new way to live for the short time we walk this globe. To live is Christ, yes, but we forget the other part; to die is gain. As Christians shouldn’t we anxiously look forward to the day when we depart from our mortal bodies? Shouldn’t we be excited about what awaits us? I know, you can’t prove Heaven and our modern minds make poor doubting Thomas look very trusting. We don’t want to believe in something in which we don’t have proof. I would suggest that if Heaven seems distasteful to you, or Hell too harsh than perhaps you should reexamine how you think of God.
Nic says, and I'm assuming he's speaking without guile or cynicism considering how Jesus responds, "how can these things be?"
Jesus is like "you're a smart guy, a religious professor, but you still don't get it? This is reality, We talk about what we know and what we've seen, but you don't think it's true" Is Jesus speaking in the royal we here? It seems so, because this is a sort of (gentle?) accusation against the religious teachers of the day. He says that he told Nic about earthly things and he wasn't getting it, how would he understand heavenly things. So, salvation is an earthly occurrence, as real and natural to God as birth is to us.
He says that no one has gone up into Heaven except the guy who came down from heaven, himself, the Son of Man. I'm not entirely sure about this part, except that I know that all of John is Jesus as God, and surely it is a heavenly trait to be able to dwell in and leave heaven at will. Then, on the tails of claiming to be God he refers to Moses and gives prophesy of his crucifixion.
Maybe, he says that he knows that Nic won't get it, but then it's like, "don't you get it, I'm God, I know about Heaven because I've been there, and like was prophesied, I'm going to die. (and then we go into those oh-so-famous verses) "because God so loved the world." This is directly connected to statements about Jesus imminent death, and to heavenly things that Nic won't understand. God gave his only Son. CS Lewis talks about it like Jesus steaming forth from the father, always a product of him always will be, a constant state of coming forth while being bound with. So he was the first born of all creation by his essence of coming forth from the father, but there was never a time when he was disconnected nor a time when he did not come forth from the father, so he is first Born and also God, From the father and equal with the father. It's whoever believes in the Son will not perish but have everlasting life. One thing you see throughout the Bible is that when people realized that Jesus really was who he said he was, they were usually on bended knee before him. Like that scene in the last episode with the 9th doctor on Doctor Who, where Rose comes out of the TARDIS carrying the entirety of the time vortex inside herself and she says that she sees all that has been and all that will be and that she creates things and ends things and alters time and the Doctor, seeing her and knowing what she is, drops to his knees before her. There's a lot of "you really are the Son of God." And then people follow him. So, then, believing isn't simply acknowledgement, believing is "getting it," is realizing that this is a big deal, this is something to dedicate your life to. It's also not about just believing in 'God' but in Christ. The Jews believe in God, but they don't know Christ.
Then he says that God didn't send him here to condemn the world, but to save it, through him. This was the manner of the salvation God was offering to everyone. He then says that whoever believes is not condemned, but whoever doesn't is already condemned. So, there's the duality of believing is a changing of mind, saves you, but you're also damned beforehand when you don't believe. You were already condemned, but you can be un-condemned through belief in Jesus Christ. Then he says "and this is the judgment." Maybe "and this is the truth that is declared after all the argument are set forth," "the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their deeds were evil." He already knew that most people would reject him, because they preferred their dark hidey holes, where things weren't exposed, because next he says "for everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come into the light, lest his deeds should be exposed." I know that when I read this I think 'oh, but people do evil in the light all the time now.' And they didn't before? They sacrificed their children to idols, they reveled, they fed people to lions, they soothsaid. All in the light of day, all government sanctioned. But this is what they do, they defend it, they get defensive about it, they don't want it examined or looked at. I think that is a kind of hiding in itself. I think this hiding becomes particularly clear when the gospel is brought into account. Then people want to leave, or they become almost violent in their defense. See, the world is dark, so they do their deeds in darkness, but the gospel exposes them and they don't like that. They prefer to do their deeds in darkness at light of day, rather than be exposed. "but whoever does what is true comes into the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his deeds have been carried out in God." Those who serve are not shy about the light. They want others to know, not of his or her own deeds but of God who made them happen. How significant that we want to hide our own evil in darkness but we wish for light on deeds that are not ours alone when we do what is true.
Also, I assume someone else was there since it got written about. Either that or Nic converted and later told an apostle. Though, I assume that the timing of Nic's visit would probably put Jesus with his apostles.
My father says that Jeremiah is the most difficult book for him, or that's what he said last night, because it's a real book, he said, and the prayers were real. It's about God smiting people, and suffering and fear. Apparently Jeremiah got sawn in half or something. So far...I don't know what book is the most difficult. Maybe Song of Solomon, because it goes so counter to what I know of love, and existence, and makes me to hope for things. Sometimes it feels like being hopeless is better. But it's not, is it? John starts with Nic, who has apparently heard that Jesus is doing a lot. I'm guessing he was speaking for God more and doing more miracles than the average messiah claimer. Nic was a leader, and probably known for his learnedness and piety, not some peabody assistant, and Jesus not only caught his attention but impressed him enough that he believed that it was, in fact, God who sent him. So, then the teacher calls Jesus, who's had no seminary training, teacher and says that God has to be working through him. Then Jesus says to him he needs to be born again to see God's kingdom. This also implies that Nic, though seeking, wasn't born again. I also want to point out here that once Jesus started his ministry he was proactive, and even as far back as the wedding his mother knew what he was capable of. He trashed the temple, he did all these miracles, and then he told Nic what he needed to do before he even asked. Nic, who no doubt had seen Jesus do, or heard of him doing, some pretty wild things, was probably envisioning this guy pushing him back into the womb. He also wants to be born again. He understood that that was something good, something he wants. He asks "how's that going to work, since I'm old?" So, Jesus tells him that baptism with water and the Spirit will be what sends him to heaven. So, does that mean that you have to be physically baptized to be saved? I'm sure the Church of Christ would say that, but there are plenty of other verses that don't include baptism in requirements for salvation. Could the kingdom of God mean something other than Heaven and citizenship in God's family? Like, could Nic only need to evolve his faith that next step? To accept that the savior had come rather than reject his claims? If he was predestined did God know that he would hear and accept? Did he even accept? Because it never says that later. He says that Nic shouldn't be surprised about the born again thing because the wind blows where it will. Basically, "why are you trying to figure out how this works, somethings just happen that way and that's the way it's willed and you don't get it but that's the way it is. So, being spiritually born is....lost my train of thought....something that you can't get. You feel it's effect but beyond that you can't really get it. Thus ends verse 8.
Yeah, and it only took me five months to do it. Geez, I feel like a shmuck. I just needed the proper motivation, and the confidence to put myself back out there, and that wasn't going to happen until it happened. Well, now it's happened and I'm having to fight not to freak out. Like, really freak out. I've gotten my fist handful of job offers. Right now they're not looking too hot. One was for 2.2-2.3 million won a month. That's better than my last job. My lowest possible pay would be 2.2 million won a month. I worked for 2.1 last year. I'm more experience and more educated this year. I'd prefer 2.4 though. I mean, I'm really going to do it. No lying around in my parents' house forever. I'm getting another job and I'm getting a life again. And, since there seems to be about as much possibility of finding a husband here as there is abroad (next to none, thank you), I might as well go abroad, where at least I have a life, and a purpose, and something to distract me from that yawning whole where I'm-a-wife should be. So far only Korea has offered a job. I am considering shoving aside my work loyalty and finding a job, and then finding a better job. Though if I did find a better job I'm sure I'd be sufficiently guilty about it that it would hardly feel like a better job for months. Different people pay their penance in different currencies. Mine is quite obviously the currency of guilt. I think it's absolutely possible that, were I to hate a man and wish him dead, and then he died and I was accused of his death that I would plead guilty of the murder even if it wasn't my own hand which had done it. Or, I'd be sorely tempted to, except that then a true murderer would go free and that would be on my conscience too. It's difficult to say what I would do... The advantage to such a thing is that it makes me a very loyal employee, and relatively easy to manipulate if you know how I feel. This is why I try not to say that I feel guilty about things, people like to use that kind of stuff against you. I've also found that they get upset when they try to use it and fail. I do have points I will not bend on, no matter that I feel so guilty that I can imagine Hell licking at my heels. People don't usually get that either. All of this is brought about by my reminiscing about my last job. I certainly hope the new one is less stressful. I hope I am better able to cope with the stress. Something besides migraines would be nice. Indigestion, for example. Well, I think that's all for now. I have to go figure out how to look brilliant in print.
So, I finished Hunting Ground by Patricia Briggs. I give it a "Hey, that was a pretty good book!"
I particularly like...the characters. Really, I think her characters are more likable, believable, and forgivable than many other characters. I like that Mercy isn't an all tough as nails bady bad ass girl. I like that she can be feminine sometimes. Quite frankly I don't think most women are half as bad ass as characters like, say, Anita Blake, and while it's fun to pretend that you could be like her because then you'd be in control and you'd be safe in a world that routinely victimizes our sex, there's also a disconnection, because most of us really aren't like that. Some of us not even a little. So, I like Mercy. I like that she has a job. So often characters don't have jobs and I, due to a recent theory, think it kind of subtly influences the idea that if you're special and have an interesting life than you shouldn't have a job. It may also be a writing cop out. I will make the exception in this book, with Anne, who is a massively real character and who I adore. Sometimes being a home maker or a husband-helper isn't a bad thing. That can be career enough in itself.
I particularly like the Charles. I like all of Mrs. Briggs main male characters. They are flawed but one thing they're not is entirely selfish. I found myself reading the book and wishing I could meet the real life version of this man, or of Bran, or Angus. I never felt such a sentiment while reading any of Laurel. K. Hamilton's books. Ok, maybe I wanted to meet her Nathanial, but that was just because the poor guy needed a hug or something. Nor was I particularly interested in meeting Christine Feehan's characters. I mean, realy, who wants to meet an overly possessive, super powerful, domineering, stalker. Soul mate or no, I'll pass on that.
I am impressed with Charles' patience in the book, and his intense desire to protect the woman he loves, to do what is best for her. I am equally impressed by Briggs presentation of his failure. There's a sort of give-and-take between the characters that I don't normally see in books, and I found myself thinking 'this, this is a relationship'.
I think my favorite parts of the book were: "He let her play as she would for a while before catching her hands. "Hey, lady wolf," he said breathlessly, " we need to wake up your other half before we take this any farther."" and "So you can tell me exactly what an Omega is - something that my lads haven't quite managed to explain satisfactorily yet. I would like something more than 'you make us happy,' which is the best they have managed so far. My lovers tell me that, and that is good, no? My wolf pack - who are mostly men, and I do not swing that way - tel me such things, and it doesn't sound too good to me. 'you bring us joy' is even worse, so I stopped asking. I need to know more, yes?" His pained look was so exaggerated she couldn't hep laughing." In the mean time I have also finished rereading Blood Bound. Maybe some time this weekend I'll pull out Moon Called and replace it with the others I've finished. Blood Bound is a good book but since I know what happens in the next, and have an idea of what happens in the book it felt a bit like a prelude. So, due to my bias I won't comment other than to say Mercy is one freaking lucky coyote.
So far I am about 50 pages into The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson. It feels like one of those things I had to read in my modern lit class. Well written and well researched, but that's where my compliments end. The story itself is not necessarily interesting, and the character has yet to make himself appealing or redeemable. It reminds me of that short story I read that themed: don't try to save anyone because you'll just make it all worse. I understand that my response could be in part to my world view, but really, he watches a man fight to get his life back after horrible burns and stay positive and he's offended and sarcastic and bitter. All I could think was ass hole. Really, an ex-porn star turned porn producer. A drug addict from a messed up child hood. A man who had no redeeming value whatsoever, and not because of his messed up childhood, simply because. Right no he has no empathy, no higher feelings than selfishness and self-pity, no self control, no interest. Something's got to happen or I won't be reading past page 100. The real advantage to the book is that it's written in flawless 1st person so reading a few pages gets me in the mind set of first person before I start working on my own stuff.
In light of the disappointing nature of the previous book I've also started Reserved for the Cat by Mercedes Lackey. Apparently it's the fourth (fifth?) in a series, but at this point seems to easily stand alone. I'm on page 16. A cat and a brownie have been introduced and our main character just got fired from the ballet. So far it is neither good nor bad, nor interesting, nor boring. I picked up the book because Jody Lee did the cover art. I suppose this is the result.
I'm also about half way through Mastering your Metabolism by Julian Michaels. Apparently I have failed to master because I've gained nearly 16 pounds since I first started reading the book. Of course, it would help if I actually followed it's advice. :-p The book itself is good, thorough, informative, and not difficult to follow. My weight gain is due to moving to the US from Asia and then Europe, moving back in with my parents, and showing a lack of self-control and self-discipline. Though, since following the book's suggestion to go with Organic dairy and meat my cycles have decreased in intensity and I have less leg hair. Interesting.
" What are you to yourself? worthless? vile? empty?
What is Jesus to you? precious? lovely? all your salvation? all your desire?
What is sin to you? the most hateful thing in the world?
What is holiness to you? most lovely? most longed for?
What is the throne of grace to you? the most attractive spot?
What is the cross to you? the sweetest resting place in the universe?
What is God to you? your God? your Father? the spring of all your joys? the fountainhead of all your bliss? the center where your affections meet?
Is it so? Then you are a child of God!
Those low views of yourself ... that brokenness, that inward mourning, that secret confession, that longing for ... more spirituality, more grace, more devotedness, more love, does but prove the existence, reality, and growth of God's work within you.
Cheer up, precious soul!
That soul never perished, that felt itself to be vile, and Jesus to be precious!" (Octavius Winslow, "Evening Thoughts") (Found it on Boundless.org)
Sometimes it amazes me how smart people were hundreds of years ago. All we usually hear are the bad things, or, conversely, the idea of "the good old days," but it wasn't like that. There were good things and bad things, stupid people and brilliant people, greedy people and amazingly gracious and humble people.
I am particularly grateful for this wise person, who lived so long ago, because this quote has settled much of the turmoil that totally dominated my heart in the last couple of months.
