Don't worry, it's not that intimidating once you're in the crowd. Also, having lived in Korea for 18 months helps. I'm pretty used to the crowd, and even though I got pushed around more in Seoul than I'm used to in Sangju (I got spoiled by all the space in the small town) I could deal with it.
Anyway, I found Korea's only H&M. So that was nice. I was reminded of what I had enjoyed best about Spain. Honestly, that one afternoon shopping sticks in my mind as a really good day, and it wasn't even with someone who was a friend but I had such a good time. I don't know why.
As usual it was raining. And, as usual, I had no umbrella, so I pulled my hood over my head and headed down the street lined with various stores meant for youthful money-filled pockets (you know the kind Forever 21, Starbucks, fashion glasses, make-up, Sketchers, Nike, Gucci...)
Walking into H&M is like walking into pretty, if "pretty" could be a shop. The colors and textures are pleasing, particularly to my eye. Not overly feminine but definitely feminine. Soft, various pleasant textures, styles meant to flatter all body types.
4 floors of it.
But as I was looking through the clothing, trying to figure out if I was a European size 42 or 40 or if I could squeeze into a 38 and whether or not I should even try because when the heck was I going to wear a dress, another thought occurred to me. Why did I want the clothes in the first place?
It was a little disturbing, realizing that I was probably an unwitting victim of commercial brainwashing.
Not that I've ever actually seen an H&M commercial, that's not what I mean. What I mean is the commercial culture that rules the West. Why did I want these clothes? What about these angles or styles or textures were more desirable than others? Did they get the job better? Were they sewn better? Were they easier to care for? Were they more useful?
...No...
Were they more expensive? Yes.
Why did I think they were pretty? Because a designer designed it or I'd seem something similar on people who were supposed to be important and beautiful. I did actually buy a belt because it looked similar to one I saw on TV. It's a useless belt. It goes around my middle, it holds nothing up or together, and yet I spent 29,000 won on it, because it was pretty and I thought it might make me look prettier.
But who says what is pretty?
And industry? A fashion house? Some chick on TV who've you don't know, have never met, and probably wouldn't like?
Why is what is beautiful considered worth spending on? Aren't the wild flowers beautiful? A butterfly? A frost-covered sunrise? Those things are free?
Or, have we made beauty into a commodity? A thing we buy and sell? A thing for the elite? Beauty is only to be had by those rich enough to afford it? Aesthetic only for the rich and well connected? How does that make us anything other than bigoted and classist, an entire world of status chasers?
It's sad really. Why can't we just be happy with what we have, as we are?
...
Did I mention I bought a sweater too?
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