It's been far too long since I posted

Well, we can about see when things fell off the rails for me, can't we?
Well, I'm back on the train, though what train it is I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm just a passenger in this life. I wish I knew who was driving so I could steal the wheel.

I haven't been drawing too much either. Rather, I have just obsessed over one drawing in particular.

And, I stopped charting food about three weeks ago. Not a surprise that I haven't lost any weight in that time. However; I want to note that I do believe my stomach is flatter, and certainly I know my hamstrings are stronger because I can do ten of those brutal hamstring flexes without having to stop for a breather.

I've started making very simple portraits of the other non-Koreans here. Today I made one one of myself. It was intimidating. Mostly because now everyone will see how I see myself, and how I want to portray myself. Thus starts a round of drawing the women here, something I'm much more nervous about than I was or am about drawing any of the men. Men are a lot less sensitive about their faces. And, I worry that the women won't take kindly to the simple-cartoon style I've been doing the portraits in. I hope that in drawing myself I will set them at ease. I also know they're going to be a lot less thrilled than any of the guys, who will mostly be happy that someone has been thinking of them enough to draw them (or at least that's what I assume).

This is why I like drawing strangers, or flowers, or furniture, or trees. Trees do not frown and say "that looks nothing like me."

Jobs. I need to have a job in approximately 4 months. I have put off this job stuff for too long because of fear, and I look back into the past and see myself doing the same thing over and over again. I see this is one character flaw that clearly isn't going to fix itself, or lend itself to being fixed. Why am I so afraid?