I wish

I wish I didn't have to eat...or sleep. Mostly eat. Do you know how much of my life is consumed by eating, getting food to eat, preparing food to eat, thinking about what I'll be eating, thinking about what I need to get or need to do in order to eat? It disgusts me. What disgusts me more is if I don't think about it at all I'll get more enormous than I already am. "Taking care of your body" means obsessing over food and how you can avoid certain kinds. I hate it. I wish I didn't have to eat at all. I wish I could subsist on air and water.

I love that I'm off sugar. That's one less thing I have to eat. It worries me that I might be replacing the calories with something else. My body sucks, it fights me when I'm only trying to make it not gross.