What I would say to my 18 year-old-self if I could

If I could go back in time and have a nice sit-down conversation with myself at 18 (and just beginning college) I  would say the following: 

• Stay on Crew as long as you can
• Don't date anyone named Michael, or Mike, or Mickey. Just...don't.
• What people at church think doesn't matter, most of them are bluffing out their, um, butts, so not only is it bluffing but it's unpleasant to deal with. Do what you want, don't do what you don't want. 
• Go into therapy; it's okay, you'll feel better. Being messed up is not some kind of incurable disease, it's not like AIDs, you're not going to spread it to everyone you become intimate with, you're not "incurable." 
• Do what you want, don't do what you don't want. If you want to go out, go out, if you don't, don't. That's good. Doing what you want to do is good. Your judgement is worthy.
• Don't hang around people who don't seem to like you. They're too busy with their heads up their own, um, butts. It doesn't mean you're not likable. There are lots of people to dislike every person in the world, it doesn't mean you're not likable, it just means you're around the wrong group. 
• Take art, take the classes that scare you, do what you think you'll probably fail at. Stop trying to compromise your dreams. Go after them and, as you learn, let them adjust. You're not going to fly away into unreality like you fear you will. 
• Travel, it will free you. 
• It's okay to be a little crazy, or even a lot crazy, and that doesn't mean you can't be awesome at the same time.
• If you don't want to go to church, don't go, if you want to go, go. But always read your Bible. And don't read the books the churches and church groups give you to read. Read the Bible, read C.S. Lewis, read Luthor. Ignore all the other things until you are genuinely interested in those topics. 
• Don't go onto chat sites. Just don't. No chatting. I know it's fun, but so are drugs. Imagine becoming a chat junkie, ugly picture isn't it, avoid it at all costs. 
• You are likable, you are. People think you're clever and quirky and creative. They're some of the best things about you. No one really gets that online, they think they do but they don't, it's called false intimacy. So, you have to go out and interact with people. They do, in fact, care to hear what you have to say when they see you. Maybe they just don't know it yet. Try talking, try interrupting, if they don't like you, that's okay, but try one more time and if they still don't like you than find some other people to hang out with. It's a big school. 
• Romance is not that important, our father is deceived in this respect. So you can stop reading the relationship books and the romance novels. They won't save you from being a failure and getting into a relationship won't make you a success.
• Contrary to what our father has said over and over, someone who gets to the end of college and is not married or engaged is NOT a looser, and they are NOT left-overs (and they aren't unlovable). They aren't. It's okay to be single, it's okay to be married.
• You are VERY lovable. You are. You are you are you are you are. You are. The voices in your head are dirty rotten liars. Look in the mirror and say one good thing about yourself every day, and it can't be the thing you said the day before.
• You are okay being just you, take the time you need, breathe, ask for help, ask for grace, try really hard, fail, ask for grace again, breathe, take your time, be yourself. You'll be happy. 
• Finally, there is grace. No, there really is. There is grace in this life, in this life. It's not just for death. You're wrong. There is grace. There is grace every day, it's real. It's really real. There are second chances and third chances and it's okay to ask for help. There ARE do overs. There is grace and the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair. You'll hear those words in a song in a few years and it'll blow your mind. Live like there's grace, not like everyone is just waiting to tear you a new one. Your family is not the world and you're not them. There is grace. There is grace. There is grace. And it's yours already, use it.

I would also note that this conversation would also involve questions about why I got fat and if my acne ever went away, and a lot of incredulity on my younger self's part, as well as a lot of arguing, but I think I could get through to me, seeing as it would be me and all. Sadly, no time travel, and I probably wouldn't have believed anyone but myself at that time. :-p bummer.