I spent most of today procrastinating and telling myself that was stupid. I consider this a huge advancement from procrastinating and not even admitting how stupid it was, as was my habit in college.
See, if I admit I'm doing something stupid I can take ownership of it, and I can decide to quit it for something smarter. Which is what I have done. I am on the tenth picture right no. I cannot say it's excellent, but much improved is not wrong.
I am concerned that because I am "self-taught" the graduate program will not accept me, and the art professors will turn their noses at me. However, I took a community class from a very talented artist, I got to weekly meetings with professional artists who give me points and show me tricks, I've read books and studied online tutorials, and I've made friends with "real" artists. And...I got published once. Not a big deal, but someone thought my work was acceptable to show the public. I say all this to defend myself against attacks that haven't begun.
I have been thinking about the last guy I kissed a lot lately. Though to be fair I've thought about him a lot since I kissed him...a year ago. I keep wondering if that was it, the last time I'll be kissed. Or worse, the last time I'll be kissed well. If it was the last time I wish I'd done more, if not than I don't know why I'm thinking of it. Except that I'm trying to make an old portrait of him into my 11th piece. That could be the source of my daily thinkings, too. Drawing him makes me ruminate. I didn't use enough contrast last time. He looks like a vampire in the old portrait; beautiful with a perfect mouth and consuming black eyes. A black heart under a sweet facade. Oh, yes, I was conflicted while I was seeing him, can you tell?
It took me quite a while to figure out all the bits and pieces of the pieces I've been working on. I want to scream "I'M NOT FINISHED! I'M NOT FINISHED!" But that's not how it works. A prime example is that I've been working on one of these pictures for three years.
So much to do tomorrow, I don't know how I'll succeed at it all.
The ladies in my cg are planning to start a book club. I haven't responded but I'm a little cautious about it. Books tend to just make me paranoid, but I'd like the chance to know them better.
I also sent a short message to one of the women's leaders at church yesterday. It was polite but strange. She has not yet responded and I think there's a fair chance she won't. I suspect the question I asked was rude, but I don't know how to go about finding out the answer without being unintentionally rude.
Ah, well.
Tomorrow, tomorrow, you're only two hours away.
No more of this procrastinating foolishness, back to work.
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