A tattoo for the Adventurer

So, I've finally decided to get a tattoo. When I secure my next job. I'm sure many people would be up in arms about it if they knew it, but it's been a long time in coming. My little sister even has a tattoo already, my father has...several, my brother has three (two? four?). My mother has a strong aversion to pain and it somewhat fragile beside that so she'd never get her ears pierced, let along get a tattoo. Anyway, that leaves me, the oldest sibling, still sans tattoo.

I think tattoos are a good and literal way to remind yourself of something and tell the world about it. I want my first tattoo to be rather small, on the back of my right shoulder, maybe two or three inches long. I want it to be a rather delicate Christian fish made out of a simple Celtic knot. Because, there are two things that I am before I am anything else. I am a Christian, and I am Irish (ok, not Irish per say, I'm my surname, but I'm not going to put that on here).

Then, if that goes well I'd like Isaiah 6:5-8 (And I said: "Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!" Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth and said: "Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for." And I heard the voice of hte Lord saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then I said, "here am I! Send me.") written in Hebrew (ה וָאֹמַר אוֹי-לִי כִי-נִדְמֵיתִי, כִּי אִישׁ טְמֵא-שְׂפָתַיִם אָנֹכִי, וּבְתוֹךְ) on the back of the other shoulder.

I want that verse because I think it's such a beautiful picture of what salvation and repentance and being a Christian looks like. We're these unexpected, imperfect people, and something has happened. Something great and overwhelming and we're overwhelmed by the reality of our own inadequacy. Then, before any change has been made, before we've fixed ourselves up, before we're good to go, God in all his Grace and Glory takes the fire from a sacrifice we didn't offer and cleanses us. Our best and our worst is made pure by Him and for Him. And then he offers a call, and because of what's been done we cry, in all our imperfection made pure, Here am I! Send me. Such is the life of a Christian. At least, that's how I perceive it to be. And here is the mystery, we strive for perfection but just as our good deeds don't save us, they don't perfect us either. The Christian life is a dichotomy choice and predestination hold hands in us, freedom and slavery, too. How then, being a slave to Christ, but freed from death, do you live in freedom?

V – a good hand tipped too soon-possible spoilers

So, I just watched the first episode of V, courtesy of Hulu. It was definitely exciting, I'll give it that. And, the cast seems solid. What bothers me is that the first episode has…everything. Absolutely everything. What other shows take seasons (or at least a season) this show has revealed on its first episode. The show itself is reminiscent of Earth Final Conflict, Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, and any number of other hidden agenda conspiracy movies. The first episode plants the show firmly in conservative territory. The badguys give universal health care and have a single world government, and they're very pretty. They also seem to have a touch of that capitalistic drive in them. So, it's big brother meets big corporation meets socialism. Scary. Then our good guys are a woman who searches for terrorists (fbi?), a priest, a conspiracy guy, and a not-so-bad alien. See, conservative. Did I mention that the not-so-bad alien thinks that family is very important? This show doesn't lack violence either, and the adults are portrayed as the intelligent ones.

Being a conservative myself, I'd be all for this if I didn't think that the story is planning to do a big ol' switch on us. To reveal this much this early in the story either nothing is as it seems or this show isn't going to last very long. The Creative Writing major in me doesn't trust this story. I feel like a poker player who just got a look at the other guy's cards. Why not wait to reveal the good aliens? Why show us in the first episode that the human form the aliens don isn't their natural one? Why basically prove their out for blood in the first episode? Why introduce the love interest for the boy in the first episode? All these things could have easily waited until later episodes without detracting much from the action. Even something as simple as not having the actual aliens break in on the secret meeting, but only their technology, would leave room for question (and curiosity that would bring the viewers back next week).

So, I'm going to predict what's going to happen, and we can see how right I am. Well, the son of the cop/FBI agent/devorce is going to continue to support the Vs, despite evidence that tells him to stay away. He's going to create a bond with the alien girl and either be her dupe or try to save her when he realizes her people are evil SOBs. The Priest is going to find out that some of his superiors are aliens and he'll question his faith. If he doesn't leave his faith, there's a good chance he'll leave the cloth. If nothing, he'll become a really bad priest because he's poised for romantic tension with the FBI lady. Said lady is going to be torn between the loyalty her son has for the aliens, a desire to save him, a desire to destroy the aliens, and a desire for the priest. The alien who is not a bad guy will help people get inside information. He will be the one who reveals some information about the aliens, though considering what they've already shown us of the mother ship I don't see his necessity as a disseminator of info. He'll try to leave his fiancé and she will either a. follow him b. follow him and die c. be heart-broken. The alien leader dude is either and the leader lady (Anna) are like Da'an and Zo'or in Earth Final Conflict. They're both bad guys, though one may be less evil than the other. Chunky friend of the boy will be used to get him to do stupid things, and may eventually rat him out, or die. Alien girl is either as evil as her leader or as heart-led as her human boyfriend. She can go either way, though I suspect she may be used as proof that even evil aliens can turn good with the right motivation. Conspiracy guy will also be a disseminator of information, as well as a device to bring the characters together. He will probably die eventually since we don't really know anything about him at all except that he sucks at being secret. Hmmm, themes? Terrorism (obviously), religion, genetic manipulation, control, the nature of evil…and possibly slavery. I'd bet money that the fixes they do at their health centers are more than just fixes.

That being said, I'll watch the previews and read the reviews for the next couple of weeks, and if it turns out that the writers have a better imagination than me than I'll go back to watching.

Thoughts on Heaven and Hell

Heaven. Hell. How many people actually believe they exist? Even of those who say they do I’m finding there are many who really don’t. Or rather, they don’t think on it at all. Their visions of heaven and hell have been as much shaped by multi-media as anyone else’s.

Then, of course, there are the reformer’s ideas. Heaven becomes this boring celestial city where we sit around singing out-of-tune hymns and hell is all fire and brimstone.

I read both Mere Christianity and The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis and his ideas on heaven and hell spurred me to realize what my ideas where. Then, a few months later, I went through this panic about whether or not I really was saved. If you check further back in the blog you can read all the wonderings and fearmongerings I was doing then. And, it’s good to work out your faith from time to time. But *why* was I so upset? *Why* is being a Christian so necessary? I came to one conclusion and that conclusion has changed the way I see the world. It’s so important because I am desperate to get to Heaven, and desperate to avoid Hell.

Well, what is Heaven, what is Hell, that they should matter? I could give you a bunch of verses that may or may not make sense, refer you to articles I’ve read, and I may do that, but I’d rather just tell you about what I believe.

You may have heard the old song “when I get to heaven, gonna talk with Jesus, when I get to heaven, gonna see his face…” And we dismiss the words.

Imagine this: you die. You die and the world goes dark around you and you blink and there you are, standing before the throne of God. Light brighter than the sun on the hottest day, brighter than the sun without ozone, brighter than any star, blasts you, staggers you back, but you don’t die. You’re already dead, remember. As you squint through the light you see a man before you. He is both so big that his throne cannot contain him and just the right size to meet with you. What shines from his face is Glory, Power, Love, Justice, Mercy, and Wrath. Again you’re staggered, and this time you drop to a knee as you realize who you’re before. And, as soon as that realization hits you memory does as well. You’re no God, you’ve failed, you don’t deserve to be here. Mourning and panic and fear and awe sieze you. You drop to your face in the heavenly dirt, tears stream from your eyes. “My God, forgive me,” you beg, even as you acknowledge that you don’t deserve it.

Then a hand is on your shoulder, and you choke on even more tears, because of the warmth and generous love that spreads through you, the forgiveness. “Arise my beloved,” says a voice that is both quite and permeating in a way that no bullet could be, “you have served me well.” You look up and the One on the throne, though He is still somehow upon it, is also before you, helping you your feet, brushing off the dirt. And there is such compassion, such pride, such love in his eyes that again you are overwhelmed. At once you are entirely known and every ache and every hole in who are is healed and sealed up. The joy and intimacy you sought through sex is fulfilled, the confidence you sought through jobs is granted, the humility you sought through service is attained. You stand there, struck dumb for ages by the amazing thing that has been done for you. You who knows you don’t deserve it. You’re more real and more whole than you ever were when alive. It feels like you just woke up from a lingering dream. God himself is pleased by you and wraps you in a welcoming hug. You’re shocked that God would touch you, because all your life, though you prayed and sang and read and did your very best to believe without proof and serve without return, God was still something you didn’t quite comprehend. But now you see Him clearly, see yourself clearly. You are loved, you will never be turned away, you are known, and in that you are made the best possible you. You’re forgiven, you’re fixed. Nothing could surpass what you’re experiencing. Each new moment in the presence of your God reveals new insights. For the first time in your life you’re free, content, happy, fully informed of the state of yourself.

And then it gets better, because your eyes turn to take in this realer than real heavenly place and you see a country all around you. A city without walls. Pastures and woods stretch into the distance. Trees in fruit and trees in bloom. Soft grass and inviting riverbanks. Glorious roads leading into a distance. People, old friends who you’d mourned, enemies and now you’re excited to see them free as well, and a goodness in them you could never recognize in your Earthly life. There are people there who you never knew, and some you recognize though you’ve never met. All complex and complete. Angels and men walking and talking together. More company than you’ll ever need but how wondrous to share such a thing with them. Not only are there plants and people, but animals too, and water, and food. Such food as you’ve never had. Food untainted by toxins, or death. Sweet and rich. Food that fills you. And you find that you’re not hungry nor thirsty nor tired. Every pang of sadness is healed, every remorse set aside for the joy of where you are and in whose light you stand. This is a place that has a place for you. You belong here. You were made for here. This is where the forgiven stand. This is the home of the renewed, and it is forever.

Now, in contrast, imagine Hell.

You die, you feel your soul slip from this world like a hand passing through the surface of water. For a moment nothing and then you are aware. Of nothing. At first all you feel is pain, pain that cannot be stopped our placed, it bounces from limb to limb like a child playing hopscotch. Your skin feels like it’s burning, your bones like their breaking. You try to scream, but no noise comes. Try to thrash but feel no movement. You hear nothing. Finally you open your eyes and you see nothing. It takes a while, because you’re in denial, you think you’ll wake up, you think the real world will come back to you, before you realize where you are. You didn’t really believe in this place. It’s so hard to conceptualize. You’re in Hell. Your limbs ache like one giant amputee. You feel them while they seem to no exist. You feel like a vapor. That sense of incompletness, of being not quite whole, that lingered in life, is now consuming, maddening. You never even got a chance to see what you’re missing, but somehow you know, because now that you’re in so much agony you can easily imagine what the opposite it.

But this place has no escape hatch. It is nowhere and it goes on without end. You don’t know if anyone else is here. For all you know you’re the only one. You hope you aren’t, but you can’t be sure. No senses to tell you otherwise, not even the smell of your own burning flesh to assure you this is real, and you can’t kick the feeling that you are less real than you were before, less valid by exponents. You can’t kick at all. And you can’t take comfort from knowing your enemies are here too. You agonize over the possibility that the people you hated most aren’t here. You wish for a fair fight, try to scream that God should come down here and face you, but you know you had your chance. Now, suddenly, and with sudden clarity, you can see all the times you had chances and turned them away, all the possibilities that would have lead to a different end but you ignored. You see with stunning clarity just how unworthy you were of the good things you received, and how much you took for granted. You see with true clarity the reality of the universe, and how small you are, how messed up, how dirty, how alone. This is your fault. You’re guilty here. The weight of your pride and degradation are yours to bear. Here it is both a sensory deprivation tank and a torture chamber. None mocks you but your own failings. None but your own heart accuses you. The world has lifted away and you have fallen into the void. And with a growing sense of horror and mourning, so overwhelming in its intensity you’d cry if you could, you understand. This is Hell, and it’s forever.

When I think of Heaven and Hell these are the concepts that trail through my mind. No clouds in heaven, no boring hymns (though I’m sure there will be singing. I imagine it’ll be a bit like Sojourn, a good mix of everything), no babies with wings and harps. Neither do I think it’ll be a throng of enraptured looking people standing around a giant impersonal throne whispering words like “God” and “Savior” and “Master” (though I imagine that there will be a good bit of that as well). I think there will be singing, and eating, swimming, laughing, eye rolling, joking, painting, stone working, writing, relaxing, running and jumping, talking, hugging, reminiscing, thinking, quiet being, and shouting. I think there will be learning, and some forgetting, I think there will be making, and building, and planning, and doing. Heaven will not be static. Nor will it be impure. There won’t be sex (sex, like sleeping, are not bad at all, but will be fulfilled in different ways once we reach that Heavenly realm), or sleeping. There won’t be resentment or fights or pride or “issues” or ego or disappointment or rage. There won’t be malicious talk or depression. There won’t be failure or lying, or injury. There won’t be broken trust or broken hearts.

Hell, on the other hand, won’t be a big party with all your biggest partier friends. It won’t be the place where all the rebels go to have a good time without anyone telling them what to do. It won’t be a gathering of all the strong ones while the weak ones go to a nice quite white place. It won’t be sexy (I imagine more it’ll be castrating and filled with a sense of incontinence). It won’t be comfy. You see, all pleasure comes from God, and Hell is supposed to be, at its most basic, the absence of God. So, you couldn’t even have your favorite sins if God wasn’t in the world making pleasantness possible. Since God makes things, and holds all things together I think it’s reasonable to assume that Hell will be without true place or true form. That means there won’t even be devils or demons wandering around to yell at you and poke you with nasty pitch forks. Hell is going to be one nasty place. A to fear and a place to avoid at all costs. And, please understand me that when I say this I mean only truth and no malice: lots of very good people are going to find themselves in Hell. Being good won’t save you. And not believing in it won’t stop you from going.

Why wouldn’t you want to think on this? Why wouldn’t you want to hope for the one and dread the other? Our faith is not just for this life. Jesus didn’t die just to offer us a new way to live for the short time we walk this globe. To live is Christ, yes, but we forget the other part; to die is gain. As Christians shouldn’t we anxiously look forward to the day when we depart from our mortal bodies? Shouldn’t we be excited about what awaits us? I know, you can’t prove Heaven and our modern minds make poor doubting Thomas look very trusting. We don’t want to believe in something in which we don’t have proof. I would suggest that if Heaven seems distasteful to you, or Hell too harsh than perhaps you should reexamine how you think of God.