Confession

I'm really really nervous about moving. I don't think I've been this nervous about moving since I was a kid. I'm afraid it's going to cost too much and I'll be plagued by crushing debt for the rest of my life, or it will turn out to be a mistake, or I'll start working and find out that somehow I completely misgauged myself and have to start all over again, or I won't make any friends, or I won't do well, or just generally that it will be horrible and I will be horrible.

*big sigh* Can someone share their confidence with me, because I think I misplaced mine.

Secret of me # 12

My attention span is very short. Imagine that paying attention was like using a machete to hack your way through a jungle of super-fast growing vines. If you're really into it you can make progress. For me every noise, every bit of music or blip from the TV, every flash of color or movement, every itch; it's like dropping the machete.

This is why I DO NOT LIKE "background noise." No music, not TV, no radio. Because, to me "background noise" is "we're going to away your machete and then asking why you didn't make it through the jungle."

Things People Said to Me # 1

When I was in high school I knew a girl. I knew many people but I was in the habit of forgetting them after they left. She moved and I've forgotten her name and her face but I haven't forgotten her or what she said to me.
She was moving and I was sad, I'd liked her and felt like she was a bit of a bit sister to me, which was a rare feeling. I asked her if she would remember me.
She looked at me and said,
"Lori, you're the kind of person that once someone meets you, they can never forget you."

Not Really a Big Deal But...

I've seen this a lot on fan comments and such, that people want Benedict Cumberbatch as the next Doctor Who. I like Cumberbatch, I think he has a fascinating face and he's an excellent actor. That being said, if he ends up as the next Doctor, well, I'm not going to be watching Doctor Who anymore. *shrug*

Favorite Musicians

My favorite musicians are:

Derek Webb

and

JJ. Heller

I don't really know who else I can listen to on repeat for months. I'm not saying I like all their songs, but most of them.

 I also enjoy:

Ingrid Michaelson

Sara Bareilles

Ludovico Einaudi

Confusion

I don't tend to consider myself a slow person, but there are...a great many things in the world that confuse me.

For example, asking a question, but meaning a different question. Such as "Have you seen [this movie?]" when you mean "Do you want to see this movie with me?" How is anyone to know there was a second question there?

Also, when I say "I disagree" or "You're wrong" and people hear all manner of insults. There's nothing wrong with being wrong, or with disagreeing. I'm wrong half the time and I think I'm probably pretty average about the amount of things I'm correct on. And, many many people disagree with me, learning why they disagree informs me, and sometimes it changes my mind, and generally they are free to have their different opinions. I don't understand what the big deal is.

See, that's something else I don't understand.

I don't understand why people think "fair" where two people suffer mistreatment equally is some how just as "fair" and desirable as two people not suffering.

I don't understand why body hair is bad. The argument for hairlessness=hygiene is, as far as I can tell, a sham argument.

I don't understand why peeing is gross, or why we have to do it in isolation, or why we need to pee into clean water.

Or why sweat is bad, or why human smell is bad.

I don't understand why we need to change our clothes every season.

I don't understand why I'm not supposed to wear white after labor day.

I don't understand why knife has to face the plate and or the spoon should be on the other side.

I don't understand why bigger is better, or richer is better.

I don't understand why we need to drive.

I don't understand how an office job is the ideal work.

I don't understand why flawless fruits and veggies are more desirable than ones strait from a garden.

I don't understand why we need bottled water.

I don't understand how a pedicure is a "treat" (now that's unhygienic).

I don't understand why I have to say "I'm fine" when I'm not.

I don't understand why some people kiss when they meet but other people just hug and other people just say hello. Can't we have a standard?

I don't understand how bitter can be bad when many bitter foods are good for you.

I don't understand how we can gauge someone's value or character by their waistline.

I don't understand why we believe politicians every few years when they've always lied in the past.

I really don't understand why people worship or even care about the lives of actors/athletes/musicians.

I don't understand why difficult is bad and easy is good.

I don't understand how ignoring a problem is supposed to make it go away.

I don't understand being competitive about everything.

I don't understand why people yell at service workers.

I don't understand why people think they "deserve" special treatment.

I don't understand why people think that "common sense" shouldn't have to be taught when "common sense" differs depending on the country.

I don't understand why people always want to be in a group, and make other people part of a group. Why do we need groups?

I don't understand...

No, there are a lot of things I don't understand.

Secret of Me # 11

I'm a pretty literal person. 

This is my natural function. Though I'm very emotional, I try to analyze things empirically, and I almost always known why I did something, even if it was rash and emotional. 

I'm specific with what I say, exact in what I mean.

I can be confused (very very confused) and frustrated by people who aren't. 

Not always, I've learned to think ....differently. I've learned (am learning) to see how other people think. I've learned sarcasm. I've learned hyperbole.  I can recognize various nuanced voice inflections, if I'm listening for them.

Learned.

It's not natural. 

And, when I'm in a state of agitation, I'm as literal as I ever was. 

It's great for debates, not so great for fights. 

On the up side for everyone else, I never "play games" with people. 

P.S. Would it be redundant to say I like the way I am?

Secret of Me # 10

I have...

arguments,

animated arguments,

with myself

in my head.

Sometimes, it seems as though parts of my psyche are divergent entities all guiding me to act in a cohesive fashion. I'm not entirely sure it's sane, but I am sure it's good for me.

Here is are a few real examples. 

*me, working out, sweat dripping down my back*

other me: Woohoo! You go! You can do it! You rock! 

me: Hehehehehe. Why, thank you.

*me, opening web page that will suck up my time*

other me: Don't do it, don't do it!

Me: Gah! *closes out page...then opens it again*

other me: This a bad idea and you know it. How will you...

me: Shut up. I'm doing it. Shut up.

*me, after a mistake/bad choice*

other me: God, you suck. I mean, really? You knew this was going to happen. Idiot.

            me: That isn't helpful and isn't going to fix the problem. We're don't insult anymore, remember? It's not productive. We're being productive now.

other me; Fine fine. You don't suck.

Really, see, it's totally healthy. ;-)

You see, the key isn't to be sane; really, that's a pretty ridiculous goal; the key is to be functional and healthy. You can be abnormal without being dysfunctional. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Movie Review: Swinging With The Finkels

I just watched Swinging With the Finkels from Redbox. I wanted some brainless fun for a night with a migraine.

20 minutes in and I was already wondering when this movie was going to end.

40 minutes in, and I feel as though I was extremely patient to wait that long, I began skipping ahead, watching a minute or two, and skipping again. I saw maybe 10 minutes out of the last half of the movie.

By and far Martin Freeman was the best thing in this movie, and certainly the best actor, and he didn't even seem very great. If I had never seen anyone in this movie before I'd think they were all terrible actors. As it is I've seen Freeman on a comedy show, on Sherlock, and in The Hobbit. I know he's a good actor because I've seen it. It's almost amazing that the director/producer could actually make everyone seem that bad.

It was like they tried to play the movie strait-funny. Funny but the characters aren't in on it (eg. Stranger than Fiction). Except they failed.

Freeman's comedic timing was the best, he was also the only one with any nuance to his tone or expression. Nothing necessarily wrong with Mandy Moore, though apparently she isn't very good at fake crying.

Also, the Americans in England made it weird.

And, breaking it up into [unrelated] chapters also made it weird. Changing the narrators between the beginning and end made it weird.

The dialogue. It was like Senfeld and Gilmore Girls had a dialogue baby.

It wasn't funny; I think I laughed twice.

Nearly every scene felt incredibly...contrived (eg. the opening. Really? What on earth was the point of the market?)

The movie was just so bad. It had a hilarious premise but it was just so bad and so badly executed I couldn't even finish watching.

If this is a chick flick I'm not a chick (maybe it's not, I'm not entirely sure what it is, but it's romantic comedy only in the Shakespearean meaning of "comedy" as a story where all turns out well in the end and the romance is a fizzle at best), and I'm still puzzling over how this movie received its R rating.

Do yourself a favor, skip this movie. It's not even brainless fun.

Secret of Me # 9

There is only one "term of endearment" 

that I can hear from anyone 

(other than my mother, who really can call me whatever she likes)

without it resulting in a glare from me. 

Not "babe" or "sexy"

not "sweetheart" or "honey"

not "sweety" or "baby"

not "sweet thang" 

No

(god, how I hate them)

There is only one thing that I can be called

that might make me smile.

That would get as good a response from me as my name;

it's "love" 

Yes, you can call me that. 

Life Tip # 9 Skillz

There is no thing 

done with great skill 

that is not also done 

with a great amount of study.

Life Tip # 8 Pearls

Don't throw your pearls before swine.

Practically, 

this means don't comment on Yahoo! articles.

Secret of me # 8

I can read two things at once

I can listen to more than one conversation

I can think many things

But I cannot listen and read

Though to a degree I can read and write, or write and listen

I can think and listen 

But I cannot think and read

I can gear shift, but multitasking is sporadic

And rarely works when the two things are both using the same

center of my brain.

As a youth I often heard my father say how people with ADHD

could multitask 

so much better than the average person

and that they needed

music or tv or radio on to help them accomplish things

But I find I cannot filter noise at all

I need silence.

I do not multitask very well

though I am very easily distracted. 

So, I don't know if he is wrong, or my doctor was wrong

or if something like ADHD manifests much differently

in women than men.

What I do know, is trying to listen to music and study merely 

results

in me watching out the window

while I sing.