Secret of me # 12

My attention span is very short. Imagine that paying attention was like using a machete to hack your way through a jungle of super-fast growing vines. If you're really into it you can make progress. For me every noise, every bit of music or blip from the TV, every flash of color or movement, every itch; it's like dropping the machete.

This is why I DO NOT LIKE "background noise." No music, not TV, no radio. Because, to me "background noise" is "we're going to away your machete and then asking why you didn't make it through the jungle."

Secret of Me # 11

I'm a pretty literal person. 

This is my natural function. Though I'm very emotional, I try to analyze things empirically, and I almost always known why I did something, even if it was rash and emotional. 

I'm specific with what I say, exact in what I mean.

I can be confused (very very confused) and frustrated by people who aren't. 

Not always, I've learned to think ....differently. I've learned (am learning) to see how other people think. I've learned sarcasm. I've learned hyperbole.  I can recognize various nuanced voice inflections, if I'm listening for them.

Learned.

It's not natural. 

And, when I'm in a state of agitation, I'm as literal as I ever was. 

It's great for debates, not so great for fights. 

On the up side for everyone else, I never "play games" with people. 

P.S. Would it be redundant to say I like the way I am?

Secret of Me # 10

I have...

arguments,

animated arguments,

with myself

in my head.

Sometimes, it seems as though parts of my psyche are divergent entities all guiding me to act in a cohesive fashion. I'm not entirely sure it's sane, but I am sure it's good for me.

Here is are a few real examples. 

*me, working out, sweat dripping down my back*

other me: Woohoo! You go! You can do it! You rock! 

me: Hehehehehe. Why, thank you.

*me, opening web page that will suck up my time*

other me: Don't do it, don't do it!

Me: Gah! *closes out page...then opens it again*

other me: This a bad idea and you know it. How will you...

me: Shut up. I'm doing it. Shut up.

*me, after a mistake/bad choice*

other me: God, you suck. I mean, really? You knew this was going to happen. Idiot.

            me: That isn't helpful and isn't going to fix the problem. We're don't insult anymore, remember? It's not productive. We're being productive now.

other me; Fine fine. You don't suck.

Really, see, it's totally healthy. ;-)

You see, the key isn't to be sane; really, that's a pretty ridiculous goal; the key is to be functional and healthy. You can be abnormal without being dysfunctional. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Secret of Me # 9

There is only one "term of endearment" 

that I can hear from anyone 

(other than my mother, who really can call me whatever she likes)

without it resulting in a glare from me. 

Not "babe" or "sexy"

not "sweetheart" or "honey"

not "sweety" or "baby"

not "sweet thang" 

No

(god, how I hate them)

There is only one thing that I can be called

that might make me smile.

That would get as good a response from me as my name;

it's "love" 

Yes, you can call me that. 

Secret of me # 8

I can read two things at once

I can listen to more than one conversation

I can think many things

But I cannot listen and read

Though to a degree I can read and write, or write and listen

I can think and listen 

But I cannot think and read

I can gear shift, but multitasking is sporadic

And rarely works when the two things are both using the same

center of my brain.

As a youth I often heard my father say how people with ADHD

could multitask 

so much better than the average person

and that they needed

music or tv or radio on to help them accomplish things

But I find I cannot filter noise at all

I need silence.

I do not multitask very well

though I am very easily distracted. 

So, I don't know if he is wrong, or my doctor was wrong

or if something like ADHD manifests much differently

in women than men.

What I do know, is trying to listen to music and study merely 

results

in me watching out the window

while I sing.

Secret of me # 7

I'm not entirely sure that I like to read. It's just a really convenient way to satisfy my eternal curiosity.

I had another one, but I forgot it as soon as it came.Oops. 

Secret of me # 6

My mother

says

I'm like Merida, from Brave.

I take that as a point of pride.

Most people would also do well to know this about me

when approaching me.

Secret of me # 5

I

...

am not

a fangirl.

There are plenty of people in the media who I find talented or fascinating or even attractive

but I will never ever ever follow them, learn everything about them, stalk them, scream at 

a picture or video of them, watch all their movies, or incorporate some asinine name the gist of which being I worship them into any part of my identity. 

Because

I am not a fangirl.

Secret of Me # 4

I don't have a television. 

Really.

I'm not a weirdo. I don't wear long skirts. I don't forgo technology.

But,

I don't "watch TV." I can't even stand to be in the same room as a TV that's on for "background noise." Or, even when it's not, for more than an hour or two.

Because it's not in the background, it's going into your head, influencing your thoughts and ideas. Unless you are constantly and consciously filtering out all the influence the TV is putting in than you're just letting someone effect your life and thoughts willy-nilly. 

What I watch I choose to watch. I watch you tube, channels I've subscribed to, things that seem fun or interesting, usually skipping or muting the ads. I watch the shows on their online channels, muting the ads as often as possible. I watch through netflix. If I don't like what I'm watching, I stop. I don't just change the channel.

I hate TV. I hate the buzzing sound it makes, I hate the words constantly being pushed into my head. I hate the constant unending assumptions that I, the viewer, need something and they want to tell me what.

I don't need anything you amoral leech. Thank you very much. 

So, I don't own a television.

I've found I'm a much much happier person overall without it.

Secret of me #3

I love getting dirt under my fingernails. 

Secret of me # 2

I am willing to spend upwards of $70 dollars on a good piece of make-up 

but I'm absolutely repulsed by extravagance of bags/shoes/jewelry/whatever

 by Gucci, or Prada, or Louis Vuitton or any other "high end" designer. 

Go figure. I'm only partly practical.

Secret of me # 1

I once 

went through all the mugs in my cupboard 

with a big  plastic cup filled with water and checked to see how much water each mug would hold before selecting the 2 mugs that held the most 

as my favorite coffee mugs.

;-)