Saturday, November 13, 2010

TP

Will someone explain to me the point of scented toilet paper?

REALLY.

What possible purpose could it have? It's not going to cover the smell of poop, or urine, unless it's powerful enough that it's also going to cause irritation to sensitive parts. I'm certainly not comforted by the chemical smell while I'm doing my business, and frankly, it's a little insulting. Like, "You don't smell appealing down there. Like, "We think you probably smell so bad it disgusts you, or it disgusts your partner. You should rub perfume on your bits as often as possible."

Ick.

I need to learn the Korean word for "unscented."

It's been far too long since I posted

Well, we can about see when things fell off the rails for me, can't we?
Well, I'm back on the train, though what train it is I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm just a passenger in this life. I wish I knew who was driving so I could steal the wheel.

I haven't been drawing too much either. Rather, I have just obsessed over one drawing in particular.

And, I stopped charting food about three weeks ago. Not a surprise that I haven't lost any weight in that time. However; I want to note that I do believe my stomach is flatter, and certainly I know my hamstrings are stronger because I can do ten of those brutal hamstring flexes without having to stop for a breather.

I've started making very simple portraits of the other non-Koreans here. Today I made one one of myself. It was intimidating. Mostly because now everyone will see how I see myself, and how I want to portray myself. Thus starts a round of drawing the women here, something I'm much more nervous about than I was or am about drawing any of the men. Men are a lot less sensitive about their faces. And, I worry that the women won't take kindly to the simple-cartoon style I've been doing the portraits in. I hope that in drawing myself I will set them at ease. I also know they're going to be a lot less thrilled than any of the guys, who will mostly be happy that someone has been thinking of them enough to draw them (or at least that's what I assume).

This is why I like drawing strangers, or flowers, or furniture, or trees. Trees do not frown and say "that looks nothing like me."

Jobs. I need to have a job in approximately 4 months. I have put off this job stuff for too long because of fear, and I look back into the past and see myself doing the same thing over and over again. I see this is one character flaw that clearly isn't going to fix itself, or lend itself to being fixed. Why am I so afraid?

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Finally Found that H&M

Well, I went shopping in Seoul on Saturday. First I shopped in Myeong-dong.
This is it:
Don't worry, it's not that intimidating once you're in the crowd. Also, having lived in Korea for 18 months helps. I'm pretty used to the crowd, and even though I got pushed around more in Seoul than I'm used to in Sangju (I got spoiled by all the space in the small town) I could deal with it.

Anyway, I found Korea's only H&M. So that was nice. I was reminded of what I had enjoyed best about Spain. Honestly, that one afternoon shopping sticks in my mind as a really good day, and it wasn't even with someone who was a friend but I had such a good time. I don't know why.

As usual it was raining. And, as usual, I had no umbrella, so I pulled my hood over my head and headed down the street lined with various stores meant for youthful money-filled pockets (you know the kind Forever 21, Starbucks, fashion glasses, make-up, Sketchers, Nike, Gucci...)
Walking into H&M is like walking into pretty, if "pretty" could be a shop. The colors and textures are pleasing, particularly to my eye. Not overly feminine but definitely feminine. Soft, various pleasant textures, styles meant to flatter all body types.

4 floors of it.

But as I was looking through the clothing, trying to figure out if I was a European size 42 or 40 or if I could squeeze into a 38 and whether or not I should even try because when the heck was I going to wear a dress, another thought occurred to me. Why did I want the clothes in the first place?

It was a little disturbing, realizing that I was probably an unwitting victim of commercial brainwashing.

Not that I've ever actually seen an H&M commercial, that's not what I mean. What I mean is the commercial culture that rules the West. Why did I want these clothes? What about these angles or styles or textures were more desirable than others? Did they get the job better? Were they sewn better? Were they easier to care for? Were they more useful?

...No...

Were they more expensive? Yes.

Why did I think they were pretty? Because a designer designed it or I'd seem something similar on people who were supposed to be important and beautiful. I did actually buy a belt because it looked similar to one I saw on TV.    It's a useless belt.           It goes around my middle, it holds nothing up or together, and yet I spent 29,000 won on it, because it was pretty and I thought it might make me look prettier.

But who says what is pretty?
And industry? A fashion house? Some chick on TV who've you don't know, have never met, and probably wouldn't like?

Why is what is beautiful considered worth spending on? Aren't the wild flowers beautiful? A butterfly? A frost-covered sunrise? Those things are free?

Or, have we made beauty into a commodity? A thing we buy and sell? A thing for the elite? Beauty is only to be had by those rich enough to afford it? Aesthetic only for the rich and well connected? How does that make us anything other than bigoted and classist, an entire world of status chasers?

It's sad really. Why can't we just be happy with what we have, as we are?

...

Did I mention I bought a sweater too?

Monday, September 13, 2010

Well, I Never was the Good-Enough Girl to Begin With

These last seven months in Korea have certainly taught me things I never expected to learn (and haven't taught me the things I did expect). As usual, I went into the new situation with a mix of anticipation and terror (perhaps in equal parts, I felt somewhat numb through the first few weeks). I had visions in my mind of what would happen. Most of those things have not happened. I got community, but not what I was expecting, friends, but not where I was looking, growth in things I didn't want to grow in. I've experienced manifold disappointments, largely due to how very real reality is. I've experienced a lot of joy, too.

Yet, still, there is one thing that has caused me considerable turmoil. It's really something simple, and I'm sure that there are enough people out there who will consider it trite. It's not trite for me.
I've found considerable joy in the company of my unbelieving male friends.
As someone raised in a conservative home. Trained in Reformed Southern Baptist churches. Advised not even to call men of the same faith lest things be misinterpreted or I prove myself lacking in character. As all these things, how do I reconcile the joy I find in spending time with them, in talking with them, in putting up with them with what I am? How do I reconcile their joviality, their openness, their...conviviality with the downright shallow and mistrustful attitude of most people within my faith. Confessions of believers are usually facile at best and edification is generally confused with criticism. We're cowards, we are. The lot of us.

How do I reconcile my general discomfort of being among other believers (namely because of that deep deep feeling of being at a masquerade and the way that advice often obfuscates a subject more than defines it), with the mandate to not abandon believers? How do I reconcile a general distaste for the deception that is required of me at church, the rigorous sanctimoniousness I feel is expected, with the Biblical saying that if you love God you will love the Church, you will love fellow believers? I love people, fellow believers I can hardly stand. How little does that mean I love God?

How do I reconcile that even more to the joy I have in hanging out with men who are not only unavailable for marriage, but also who are unbelievers? Who are like your friends.
I feel caught between a bus and razor wire. So maybe he's a bit Buddhist, and that makes me sad in a kind of deep ache because I care about him, don't want him to go to Hell, wish he could/would convert just to ease my heart, but he's my friend, and the real me is safe around him. Maybe he's about as pretentious and erudite as almost anyone I've ever me, but he's nice to me, and his pretentiousness entertains me more than it irritates me. He's layered. I like that. Maybe he's kind of scrawny, and drinks too much, but he's fun, and I like his accent, and talking with him is easy even when I hate everyone else in this stupid country. Yes, he's short, and a bit like coffee with too many shots of espresso, but he's genuine, a wears his heart on his sleeve type, and he's never afraid enough of something to let it stop him.

Yes, they curse. And sometimes they do truly stupid things. They annoy me. They've hurt my feelings a few times. But...it's worth it. It's worth it to see real people. I want to see real people. I want to be a real person. Not a real person inside, a real person everywhere.


Friday, September 10, 2010

You Know You're on Farmville too Much When...

I had a Farmville dream last night. Yes, I can't describe how surreal that is. I dreamed that the Farmville programmers had updated the program again. It was now a kind of interactive virtual reality. At first it seemed like my whole farm had been reset back to about level 15 and I was really bummed. A chicken pen with ten chickens and about 35 plots. Then it was that but the land seemed to stretch into the distance. Somehow I reloaded the page, though I was standing on the farm, and finally I saw my farm. It was amazing. The addition was a gymnasium, which I'd apparently recently bought to compliment the school. I could see farmhands working and people browsing the market with their kids in strollers. Kids running around, people walking through the newly opened gym. And, the bakery, open for business with fresh breads and pastries ready for sale. I stood there in shock, and had a really ironic moment where I thought 'oh my gosh! I'm rich!' Then my parents were there and I proceeded to give them a tour of the new facilities, saying I designed the place for the community.
The grass was green, and the buildings large and real. People in clothes with hair. All details there. The farmhands were shirtless, moving bales of hay. There was a large basketball court. My sister showed up and I showed her the new court. A place that stretched into the distance and I'd done it all, prepared it all, worked to build it up, and it was real, and I couldn't get my mind around it.
I wonder if this is my mind's way of saying I want things to be real, I'm tired of a 2-D picture. I want something I can show off.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Thinking of a Dream House

Yesterday I taught my gifted students the concept of a dream house. I certainly hope I'm corrupting them propperly. Though I'm not even sure that a 'dream' anything is Biblical. It was all girls so I got to use the example of a dream boyfriend, which, being 11, they picked up on quite well. Gotta love the tweens.
My favorite was a girl who designed a room just for her cats. She has 9 russian blues. I also liked the one that had cloud wallpaper.

All of that reminded me of when I was a girl and I would design my own dream house. I remember spending hours designing it. Really, it looked like a fleshed out version of the house my family lived in while we were in Idaho. It had an attic and a basement, garage, two floors, and a multitude of rooms. Why? Because it was a place for a family. Ever since I was a girl. All the way back when I thought my life would play out in this perfect plan, that there would never be any real detours.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

On the topics of pets

I don't know what it is but I've never been attracted to small pets. There's something about them that doesn't seem...right (I'm sitting here trying to think of a word playful/unbreakable/competitive/admirable/equal). Whatever it is I look at small pets and think...yeah, that...wouldn't make it. So, after having watched clips from Cat's 101 I've decided that I want either a Maine Coon, Ragdoll, or a Savanah (yes, I'm aware this cat is the least likely as it costs thousands of dollars and is illegal in some states).
"Heeere giant kittykittykitty."

I'm also partial to Great Danes and Mastiffs as dogs. There's nothing to make a girl feel small and feminine like walking a dog that weights 95 kg, looks like a horse, and thinks he's your cute little puppy.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

I've been thinking and that's always a dangerous thing

Feeling very ecclesiastical today. Vanity, all is vanity. What have I done with my life that matters in eternity? What could I stand before Christ and be proud of?

Thursday, August 5, 2010

A Perfect Morning

This is what a perfect Morning would look like to me:

Wake up at five in the morning to a clear blue sky and cool air. Slip on some trainers, exercise pants, and a sweater and go out for a run. Running in a safe area with lots of trees, grass, flowers, and a sidewalk in a quiet area, no car fumes to choke me.
Get home and shower. Have a quiet time while I drink some water. Eat breakfast, oatmeal with cinnamon, honey, and strawberries, and a boiled egg. Check the news and my email online. Stretch and make my bed, wash up breakfast dishes.
Leave the house around 8 or 9.

Monday, August 2, 2010

2 AM Ramblings

I've been reading again. That's never a good thing. I've also been imbibing massive amounts of meat lately thanks to the caterers at my school and my period is going to start in a few days. What does this mean for you, the reader? Well, it means that I'm a tired, half cold-infested, hormone packing person, who's been reading.
So far I've restrained myself from putting the PB&J in the freezer, taking apart an electric tooth brush, and cooking a bunch of Pad Thai, so I'd say that I'm still salvageable. I've been reading Know-It-All by A.J. Jacobs. I like his name. I think if I ever get published I could do it like that. It's very rhythmic. A.W. Towzer, C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien (he had two middle names?).

As I've read the book I've found it funny and very informative. I've also found it to be something I relate...almost perfectly to. And here I sit, wondering, why do I find it so relate-able? Is it because this guys works for Esquire and therefore has the skills to write to the general masses? Is it because of the bit of facetiousness in that the author assumes that he's a bit smarter than average but treats the reader as an equal? Do I relate because I like feeling a little smarter than average? Am I actually a bit smarter than average and that's why I relate? Do I relate because this is a tale of a man who is knowledge obsessed, just as I am? Me, who finds the idea of memorizing the dictionary a noteworthy goal. Is it because it's about a man who is slightly socially awkward, who shared too much and never quite knows the exact right thing to do, and how I feel that I am very similar? Is it because it's a story of a geeky man with an IQ complex, and I am a geeky woman with an IQ complex?

You know, an IQ complex. It's for people who are a little smart, or fancy that they are, but realize that they're not geniuses. They know they'll never win a Nobel, never have a hospital wing named after them, never contribute something absolutely astounding to society. And yet, they are smarter than your average Joe, smarter by just enough to notice it, to feel it, and to hate it. They are torn by feeling superior to the average man and vastly inferior to the genius. These are the people who hear "You sure know a lot" and "You're pretty smart" often, but never "That's amazing!" or "OMG! I wish I could do that!"  I am coming to the conclusion that there are only two things for people like us to do. 1. Procreate (really, we're the best candidates for it. Not so intelligent that our lives will end in suicide or homicide but smart enough that we might at least contribute to a cleaner environment, trustworthy services, and the neighborhood watch) or 2. Write a book. As far as I can tell we're pretty useless for anything else. Too smart to like ourselves, too dumb to make other people envy us. Sometimes I wonder if I should just get my slow decline into stupidity over with by bashing my head into a wall or snuffing glue (though that would probably result in puking, which I hate). Heck, who knows maybe I'd be able to find a husband then. It does seem that all the more average ones are married (and the really smart ones, and the nice ones, and the ugly ones, and the mentally ill ones....).

Since I have thus started to digress into the level of purgatory known as "Why can't I find a bleeding husband?" I'll stop myself now.

Know-It-All is a laugh out loud book for anyone with neurosis and a desire to win at Boggle. I would definitely suggest it, and give it a solid 4 out of five Korean bubble stickers.
'Night all.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

A dream

You know how sometimes you have really odd dreams? Well, last night my dream was exceptionally odd. Though, considering that I slept for 13 hours strait I suppose my brain had to come up with something.

Here is a reality; if I'm falling asleep at work I'm tired enough that I'm going to sleep through yoga.

Point of my dream: I had a husband. mahahahahaha! He was a king, in a magical kingdom. Even BETTER. Oh, and he loved me, it wasn't a political marriage. And he was very accepting of the fact that I knew nothing about his world.

At first there was this group, an evil sorceress and her minions. One was a very large ogre. He had tusks. He was very grumpy because he didn't think he could find anyone to love him.

Somehow they got to the "real" world. And somehow there ended up being a girl under spell. Not a sleeping spell, but a spell.

And there was a prince. Two princes actually, and two girls needing them. But the one prince kissed his girl and nothing happened. She asked if it was supposed to be like that. Maybe he wasn't her true love. But this just made him angry (a good kind of angry) because he was her true love and he was going to prove it. So he kissed her again. This time his determination to be the one to love her freed her. And the her was me. And now I was a queen, and had a king. I kept calling him "my king." And, the best part was that I could touch him whenever I wanted. I followed him around a lot. It was fun.

It was a good dream, and one I was sad to wake from.

And way better than previous ones from last night, which were odd, and involved old men being in love with teenagers and ditches in the woods and cemeteries. Odd, odd, odd, and not something that needs to be shared in detail.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

An Imperfect Analogy, but it works

I am in Oregon. Oregon is nice. I like Oregon.
There's just one hiccup. See, God has said to fast until we get to Florida. So, no eating until you get to Florida. Well, you can eat, it's just bad, and you'll feel guilty, and it will screw up food for you for the rest of your life, and God will be disappointed. It's not that food is bad, though some people seem to think that wanting food is bad, it's just not supposed to be partaken of until Florida.

Now I'm fasting. I've been fasting for a long time. And, frankly, I want to go to Florida. But people say to me "Oregon is nice, why would you want to leave? Why wait until Florida?" "What if you get there and Florida has really crappy food?" "You know, there are alligators in Florida!" To them I say "You're already eating. I want to go to Florida."

Some say to me "Man doth not live by bread alone." To them I say "Your stomach clearly isn't growling the same way mine is. I want to go to Florida."
Now I know that getting to Florida takes time. It's a journey. You don't want to rush it and end up in the swamps or something, because if you're entirely mosquito bitten even the best food won't be worth it. But...I'm starving. And, I'm not going to eat till I get to Florida.
Some people are fasting but they like to smell the food. Others go as far as to lick it. Some even try drinking milkshakes and saying they're not "eating," some imagine how it'll be to eat.

I'm not doing any of that, but I have to say that you get to a certain point in the fast and you notice every time there's food around. Whether it's just laying there or someone else is eating, you notice. I notice.
Yes, God is good. I don't think he ask me to fast to punish me.
But I have this to say:
I want to go to Florida.

Friday, May 14, 2010

I had this dream





Last night I had this dream that people were disappearing. These men in black types were just plucking them off the street or out of the grocery store. At first there was a woman trying to find her friend, then it was a man trying to find the woman. They were in a big warehouse grocery, and behind the grocery was another warehouse. Depending on what door you opened it was empty or it was full. The empty one was where the men were, where the woman and her children were. To get to these people, the most recent abducties, he poisoned some woman who was a drug addict. She thought she was sniffing coke but it was some prescription drug that overdosed her. She had a daughter who he apologized to. Then he and I (though I may have been the woman who was abducted, or one of her children, or all of them) fought Kick-Ass girl style to get away from the men. They/we drove a car, ran over people,  plowed through doors to get out and it all ended with the warehouse exploding and children in the back seat.


I became aware again as I was standing in a muddy field in Alaska. After a little while my father was there. Of course, I thought, if I'm fighting like this and using guns, of course my father is here. He tells me that this is where the family lives now, and it's been four months. I'm a little peeved and I say that things that keep transporting me places (this has happened before? a part of me wonders) out to do it faster. I get to the house and we have a farm. It's not as far away from other farms as I thought it would be and I'm happy for that. It is pretty muddy though. There are two dogs now, and goats and chickens and my mother feeds them. My brother is there, and my sister, though she's younger. There is also a guy who asks to stay with us. I'm dubious at first but it is allowed. I worry that the people who we retaliated against four months ago will come after us. I see a man all made of bronze walking past the window. I get very upset and go out to confront this thing. I fight it and it turns into something else, something benign. My sister is there, though whether she's my true sister or the daughter of the abducted woman or the daughter of the ODed woman I can't tell. She has the power to make things appear and she wanted to scare us because she wasn't allowed to go out. I am so angry at her selfishness, maliciousness, and how spoiled she is.

There was more to the dream. Something involving a room, but I can't remember it now. However, it was rather storyish and sequential so I thought I'd write it down.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Had an odd dream last night

Well, for the record, most dreams are odd.
My dream went like this: I was leaving Korea to go to Ireland. I had made many friends in Korea and they all kept wanting to do last minute things with me, promising they'd help me get my flight (I hadn't booked it yet, it seemed more like getting a bus ticket than a flight) an get there on time, but I hadn't even finished packing, because people kept wanting to do things with me. Most of my friends seemed to be male. There was even a guy who confessed his love, which I awkwardly avoided saying anything about. This same guy said he'd get me to my flight, but at 30 till I thought we should go. Instead he convinced me to wait. We got there and there was a line. We took a number but all the numbers were off. We bought a ticket just as the plane left from a water dock. I was quite upset. I went to this absolutely tiny hotel room to pack. I started packing but got distracted by friends, then I said I really had to go, I'd already missed the flight once. They said they'd pack for me. I missed the flight again. At this point they said I'd have to wait until morning. I was very upset. I went back to this small room and began packing again. I packed all I could into two duffel bags. Now there were people coming into the hotel room. They were supposed to stay here, I was supposed to leave. It was people I used to know. A man and a woman. One was skyping M, an old friend of mine. I asked him if he could keep the hangers, I said they were expensive. Then I told them they could keep the roller blades too. Not my new ones, an old pair that I'm not sure I ever owned. Finally I went back to the plane station, and missed the flight AGAIN. At this point I decided it was better to sit there for hours than miss again. I was wondering how I'd get a hostel in Dublin when I hadn't booked. One of my friends suggested I take the bus to the next place the plane would stop. I was incredulous. How would a bus out travel a plane? But he was adamant. I went out onto a long dock and sat down to wait for the bus, but a flight attendant came and said that the bus had been canceled and the next flight was coming so all the people waiting for the bus went back to the plane area. We got on the plane, part cruiser, part sesna, and buckeled in. The seats were set up in circles, which is better than the "eat in" plane that was an option that involved messy meals, small pets, and children. Suddenly I wasn't in Korea, I was in Australia, and I wasn't going to Ireland, I was going to Korea, and I was going to be late. An 8 hour flight started at 6 in the morning will still result in not coming to work. Suddenly I was stressed out, I needed to call my work, tell them I'd be late. There was another girl beside me in the same situation. I figured I could use the in-flight phones and I hoped C wouldn't be too mad at me.
Dream over.
*sigh* if only I'd still been going to Ireland in the end.

Speaking the same language vs. communication

Before I go into this issue I just want to point out that the police officers here look to be all of about 14 years old. 14 years old and carrying big sticks. I'm not sure whether to respect them or pat them on the head.

Ok, language. Language is a funny thing, and as I've learned, often has very little to do with communication. It's the ideas that bring communication. Ideas are key. If we could create a language that conveyed specific ideas than we'd probably never be confused again. Sadly that probably won't happen in this world.

Some prime examples come from the Korean-English Gap (as I have named it). The Gap is that space between English words and Korean ideas where any understanding of what the other person is talking about gets lost.

"Okay" is a good example. In English "Okay" can be a few things; a filler word, a word stating your condition, or an agreement. AN AGREEMENT. If one is given an option, "okay" is not an answer because okay is a response to some sort of argument. Apparently this is no so in Korean.

"Yes" and "No" have similar issues in Korean ideas vs English words. In Korea yes and no are given as answers to decision questions "You wanted to go to the store, right?" but in reverse to English. Therefore I never know what a Korean is actually saying when they say "Yes" or "No" to a question that I've posed. I keep trying to have them answer in full sentences but that's difficult.

Another example is "prepare," which takes on an entirely new meaning in the Korean mind. For them it can me, get, buy, get ready, bring, make available. They don't even imagine that it might mean "make."

I had a point here...
It's just that, language is more than words. You can say lots of words and not make a lick of sense. Particularly if the words mean something different to you than they mean to someone else. Things can get confusing, people can get hurt. It's the ideas you have to collaborate, communicate.

Communication is key.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

An Update on my weekend

Well, I've had a rather productive weekend.
That's unique since the last two (three?) weekends have been spent away from Sangju and certainly not doing much productively at home.
I went shopping, three times I think, and finally managed to get everything I had on my list after visiting several stores. I now have those Korean staples of dried seaweed, rice, and onions. No tofu. I have enough estrogen in my body. Bought fruits and veggies. Have yet to wash the apples, but I don't think that small amount of laziness will damage me in the long run. I can wash the apple before I eat it.
Finally began to use my Brita filter. Boiled the water first, then filtered it. I've spoken to a few people (mainly guys) who have drank (drunken?) the water in S.Korea to no ill effects but my coteacher S suggested boiling it first. So, boiling water may become part of my daily routine. However, I will say that if I am super thirsty I'm not above just filtering and drinking. A little stomach bacteria now and again is good for you. (-;
I had the hardest time finding just one onion for sale. Even at the market they wanted to sell me a whole bowl of onions. The conversation went like this "[Korean]hello" "[Korean]welcome, want anything?" "[Korean]this, one." "[Korean]4,000 won" "No no, just one onion, not the whole bowl." "[Korean] you get the whole bowl." "sigh" "[Korean]3,500 won" "but I don't want the whole bowl, I want just one" "Do you want the bowl in a bag?" "sigh. thank you. no. bye." Finally someone suggested Home Mart and I was able to buy two small onions for something like 170 won (or 17 cents).
The truly difficult thing to find was hangers.
Now I just need to get myself an air purifier so I can actually BREATHE.
Ah, yes, I also bought plants. I now have a pot of tiny tomatoes, a pot of something green, a slightly bigger though still small pot of a vine, and a medium pot of another vine. Oh, and an empty pot and lettuce seeds. I need to get dirt. Real dirt, not the sand outside. If I'm growing my own lettuce for eating it's darn well going to be with real dirt.
One thing I didn't buy was trash bags. I probably should have, but by the time all that shopping was done I just wanted to go home.
Speaking of home; I cleaned. I mean, I really cleaned. Three weeks I haven't cleaned and at least 5 since I really scoured the place. I used the swiffer (several times) to get all the dust and dirt out cleaned the bathroom. Cleaned the door handles, washed and dried the clothes, cleaned the counter tops and the cabinets, and dusted the tv and the ledges and the sills. My apartment looks like a proper apartment now. One owned by someone who likes veggies, plants, green, and books. Which is perfect because that is exactly what I like.
I also think I've finally discovered a system in which I can keep the dirt from outside from coming in AND avoid my socks being contaminated. However, it may require me buying another mat.
I am also contemplating getting either a scarf or a baseball cap, whichever costs less at some point as it is getting very very hot.
A mosquito net has been suggested by one Korean and rejected by another. Perhaps the one didn't understand what I meant. Not that I'm adverse to a mosquito net, I just don't want a canopy unless I need one. I'm more of a "green girl" than a "girly girl." ...If that makes any sense.
Ah, yes, and I bought beef (and failed to boil some eggs, but I did boil some potatoes). Not organic. They don't put the prices on the beef at the organic place but 6 apples are 9,000 won. I don't think I can afford the beef.
Tomorrow should be interesting.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Awesome Things

#1 Ho-dok. Grilled pancakes with the stuff that goes in cinnamon rolls put inside. Fantastic.

#2 Weekly markets. It's just cool and old school.

#3 Safety. Whatever problems Korea has it's very safe. Even as a foreigner I feel safe. I don't know if it's the lack of guns, or the familial cultural identity, or the self-policing, but I love the results.

#4 the KTX. Fast, clean, and cheap. Public transportation here pretty much removes the need for a car.

Some annoying Things

#1 Almost no one looks both ways before crossing the street. Really, did you miss that assembly in school? The one where they told you to look both ways before crossing the street. The one that keeps you and others from becoming road kill? The best time to avoid an accident is more than a split second before it happens.

#2 Mopeds. You know, vehicles should follow road rules. And you mopeds, YOU'RE VEHICLES. This means that it's insane (that's right, I said it, insane) to ride on the sidewalk, swerve in and out of traffic and generally do whatever you please.

#3 No lines. Really, no cuing/lining up, is really annoying. I know it's a balibali (faster faster) culture, but if you lined up it would actually make things go faster rather than everyone just grabbing at what they want. 
#4 People having only one skill. What happened to well rounded people? If you endeavor to know about the world at large rather than just your own skill than you can know if someone else is doing a good job and not just hope, because everyone is human and makes mistakes and it's good to be aware when mistakes are being made rather than just suffering through them.

#4 One word for many things but rarely many words for variations of one thing. This is actually just part of my frustration with Koreans thinking that English language culture is strange/odd/offensive/stupid. And yes I'm annoyed that certain Americans that I know respond the same way to other languages. Korean is a much vaguer language than English as far as I can tell. Annoying, but not offensive, so please stop treating English like it's ridiculous. It'll help keep me from feeling that Korean is ridiculous.

#5 Lack of facial expressions. How the heck am I supposed to know what you're thinking and how to respond if you don't tell me AND I can't read it on your face?!

#6 Lack of adhering to rules/consistency. Before I came to Korea I didn't really consider myself a rule person. No, I wasn't a rebel, but I didn't think order was that important to me. It is. Having rules that everyone follows unequivocally and knows makes life so much easier and smoother. Having all the rules be bendable depending on the situation is confusing and stressful and leads to slower function and chaos.

#7 Saving face. You now, I know that other cultures aren't more wrong than more own, just generally different, but this is something I'll never be able to accept. Anything that promotes people not being themselves, suicide, and lying is something that will always leave a bad taste in my mouth. I understand that this means I'll probably never marry a Korean.

Friday, March 26, 2010

My First Class; Art







I thought I'd show you the masks that I made for my first class, art. At first I was showing students pictures of the actual masks but the students were trying and failing to mimic those so I made some more manageable masks.
They are cougar, buffalo, bull, raccoon, bear, bird, wolf, and owl.
And the art room
And a student's mask.

My Apartment

 My apartment. Finally!
Welcome. ^_^

The front door. I think I have the entree way somewhere...

The bed

The living room. ^_^
The laundry room.
The kitchen
Ah, here we go. The entree way.
The bathroom
My bicycle.
The view out my main window.  Aaaand,
the study.

Thus ends the tour of my luxury apartment. What is the rent for such an extravagant place, you might ask. Well, I have no idea (though I've heard it's around 400,000 won or $370). I work for rent.
I hope you enjoyed yourself. Come back again soon. Bye!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Some of the entertainment of being ADHD

Being ADHD is one of those unique experiences that it's difficult even to describe unless you have it. I can understand why so many people are skeptical. However , it's very real. And, at times, very entertaining.
As I work with people who aren't ADHD I see the differences between us. It's the little things really.
For example; it's the fact that I monitor one of my classes by sliding around in an office chair and using the desks for leverage rather than walking. It's in the fact that I'll sprint up stairs or run a block just because I get bored walking, that I ride a bike quickly because even a bike seems too slow.  It's in the way I forget almost everything once before I remember and and loose my trains of thought almost as often as I have entire trains of thought. It's in my fidgetyness and up-and-down-ness and emotionalness and my quirky jokes and that I'm the only one who colored my name tag.

Still, I like to think that those things make me stand out and aren't too annoying. I managed to get my job done and get to work on time. And that, to anyone who knows me, is an achievement.

Opening thoughts with A Grief Observed

I must admit, I'm only a few pages into Lewis' A Grief Observed and I already feel the need to say something. In my life I have no experienced grief in the way most have. That is; none of my loved ones have died. Perhaps God has been gracious to me, perhaps I haven't loved well enough. I don't know which is more truth. Whatever the answer, death has not touched me so intimately and yet I feel as though I have spent most of my life in mourning for a thing I could not define. That feeling of bereivement has been an almost constant companion in my life since my early teen years. In some ways I feel as though I have mourned more than most, though I believe I have lost less.
All that being said, I fear the reality that has not come to me. At the same time I hope to one day love someone with such a strength that the grief of their loss would allow me write an entire book. It would be a privillage to love like that, no matter the cost.

Monday, March 22, 2010

After a month

I've been in South Korea for a month now. Hard to believe, I know.
The yellow sand has begun.
And I have a wonderful bike to get me around town.
I went to church in Sangju for the first time last week. That was interesting. Presbyterian. I'm having to adjust to different denominations in the same church. It's one thing to say "yeah, I'm happy that you're my brother/sister with different ideas" and another thing entirely to live with it.
The church is quite small (12 members, maybe) and they sit on mats on the floor. They all eat lunch together but from last year I figure that's normal.
Other interesting cultural occorances.
I got taken out by some of my sweet coteachers for doksomethingoranother, not dokgalbi, not dokbegi. Darn, forgot. Anyway, it's spicy rice cakes and kimbap. And, over the course of the meal I was informed that men will like me more if I get my ears  pierced and straiten my hair...because men find pierced ears and straitened hair more beautiful. It was definitely one of those cultural things that I had to take a second and step back for. I told them I thought guys often had different tastes in what they preferred and that maybe the magazines lied. They were quite surprised by this.
Other cultural things:
Principals asking favors of me.
Things not happening until the last minute and feeling like I can't prepare.
Working extra hours. Surprised? No way.

I found the local community gym. It actually looks quite nice and if I can force myself up at 6am regularly than I should be able to go work out.
Right now I have a headache, actually the hungover feeling is probably a migraine. Particularly because I didn't drink anything last night, or yesterday, or the day before.

I'm curious, what do you think of the social and cultural differences between different denominations and/or countries? How should they be responded to? How do you give grace to people you disagree with while still voicing your disagreements?

Saturday, March 13, 2010

I'm back in South Korea

Well, I was planning to go to Seoul today. One really must visit Seoul as soon as possible once you arrive in Korea. It will give you the neccessary contrast. However, I didn't finish doing my weekly cleaning until almost 3. Largely because I played on the internet for a couple of hours. So, I'll go tomorrow.
I thought about going to Gumi but since I've never been there before I'd rather go knowing I'm meeting someone so that was out as well.
Instead I went to the nearest bike shop and bought a used bike for 60,000 won (roughly 55 dollars). The tires are new and the chain is good. The breaks also have good tread and it's clean. The back break is good though the front break is pretty mushy. I don't know whether I should tighten the break myself or take it back to the shop (which is also a bike repair shop) to have the break tightened. It has a basket and a place on the back for bungee cording boxes. It also has a little horn and it came with a lock. The handlebars were loose at first but I showed the shop owner and he tightened them.
I then rode to Emart where I bought a small plastic drawer for my socks, a pillow, a place mat, and some wall hooks. I think I'm going to be sore tomorrow. I haven't ridden a bike in probably two and a half years. Haha, I was rather embarrassingly wobbly for the first ten minutes or so.
I'll go to Seoul tomorrow morning. But, I can't spend as much because I chose to buy the bike today. I'm going to be sore tomorrow.

Now, for all of you who know me, and for those who don't. The tooth feels fine. I'm still amazed that I even had to have an emergency root canal. I spoke with some other EPIK teachers yesterday who also go to the same dentist and said he's very good and his prices are quite reasonable. I think reasonable is an understatement, they're fantastic.

Ah, yes, would you like to see where I'm living?
Well, it's Sanju. That would be almost-the-middle-of-nowhere-south-Korea, as opposed to Seoul which is everything-is-here-south-Korea.
My apartment complex. Well, not just mine. It is also home to another elementary school teacher, and three other EPIK teachers. There are a handful of families with children and many singles. Probably because of the size of the apartments. I don't think I'd be able to share this space with even a spouse. In defense of the families here, there are also two room apartments here. And, yes, you read that right, not two bedroom, two room. ^_^ Welcome to Asia.


























This is the view of the town to the left of the apartments.












This is the view three or four blocks past the previous image.




I'll show my actual apartment in another post.

There was a prayer meeting tonight but I didn't know where or when so that was kind of out. There's also a party tonight but I was out last night and I try to make it a habit to never drink more than once in a week. Also, I'm waking up pretty early. At least with the bike I can get to the bus station in less than half an hour.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Some powerful lyrics

Stop and take a few minutes to listen to this song if you can.

Abide with Me

Originally written by Henry Lyte
Redone on the Indelible Grace CD by MP Jones


Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Thou on my head in early youth didst smile;
And, though rebellious and perverse meanwhile,
Thou hast not left me, oft as I left Thee,
On to the close, O Lord, abide with me.

I need Thy presence every passing hour.
What but Thy grace can foil the tempter’s power?
Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.

I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless;
Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness.
Where is death’s sting? Where, grave, thy victory?
I triumph still, if Thou abide with me.

Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;
Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies.
Heaven’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee;
In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.