Woke early to nightmares only to be re-awoken by a call from my mother telling my sister was in the hospital.
Was up after that with only 6 hours sleep and feeling really worked over. I've been experiencing some anxiety over the past 4 or so days with varying intensity. It is frustrating.
To make matters worse I decided to go through old blog entries on this site and take down all the ones I didn't think represented me or other people well. There were...several. Most were dismally depressing. Having to read through them was profoundly unpleasant. Glad that's over!
I studied for my test and, pleasantly, make a 96% What I find nice is even in this time of anxiety and feeling a kind of weakening of my self-confidence, I can study for a test and then take a test and think "Hey, maybe I'll make 100%" instead of "Maybe I'll fail."
Just feel a bit like some worry worm is eating at my innards. Hopefully, I can do everything and prove to myself I'm still doing well and get it to go away even if everything is not perfect, because aiming for perfect is unrealistic, you know?
Had a chat with a friend tonight and he said something I found really encouraging, so I'm posting it, so I can go back and see it again and believe someone believes that about me even when I'm feeling anxious.
"I think, based on what I know, you do very well with what you got. You should be very confident in yourself."
There it is. To the friend who said it, should you read it, thanks; it meant a lot to me.
So, I've been up for 18 hours, anxious for half the day, a paper due tomorrow, about 30 things to do in the next week an a half and my cycle is late.
Onwards and upwards!
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